Ryot.Bisley.Balls: As I recall, YOU were the one that slid into MY DMs.

DrinkWithMe: For education, not because I wanted to. I think it will do you a great deal of service to remember that.

* * *

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Hey, did you see my post today? *Wiggles eyebrows*

DrinkWithMe: You know, I have better things to do with my life than hound your Instagram profile.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Could have fooled me.

DrinkWithMe: Feeling spicy today, I see.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Just trying to keep up with you. Now go check my feed.

DrinkWithMe: A photo of you lifting weights. Is that supposed to impress me?

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Do you see the muscles? Isn’t that what people call a thirst trap?

DrinkWithMe: Ahh, I see what’s going on. You’re trying to garner an audience by sexualizing yourself.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Do you think it’s working?

DrinkWithMe: Well, I stared at it for longer than I care to admit.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Then my job here is done.

* * *

DrinkWithMe: I heard some women talking about you today at the restaurant I work at. One of them claimed that you were going home with her tonight after she flashed you her boobs while you were on the field. So I have two questions. Did someone flash their boobs at you? And did you take her home? An immediate response is required.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: If someone did flash me their tits, I didn’t notice. I’m currently alone in my townhome while Banner is out at the bars. If anyone is bringing someone home, it’s him.

DrinkWithMe: Oh, that’s a huge letdown. I was hoping for a good story. That girl was all talk.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Yeah, I’m disappointed too. Seems like, in her fantasy, it could have been a good night.

DrinkWithMe: So why aren’t you out at the bar with Banner?

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Tired as shit.

DrinkWithMe: Because of the baseball?

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Yeah, because of *the* baseball. I’m vying for a spot in the Majors right now, so I’m pushing myself harder than ever before. Don’t really have time for hanging out at the bar.

DrinkWithMe: Majors being . . .

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Professional. Major League. The Studmuffins are the Triple-A team for the Chicago Bobbies. I was hoping to make the roster after spring training, but unfortunately, I didn’t. They noticed me, though. Right now, the third baseman for the Bobbies has been there for a few years. He’s pretty good but on the older side.

DrinkWithMe: So what you’re saying is you’re one pulled hamstring away from going pro?

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Yeah, pretty much.

DrinkWithMe: Then I shall hope for tight hamstrings.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.

DrinkWithMe: You’re making me soft.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Good thing YOU’RE not making ME soft.

DrinkWithMe: Would you look at us . . . things are starting to get frisky.

* * *

DrinkWithMe: Thoughts on phone sex. Have you done it?

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: I have not. Haven’t really had a girlfriend or someone who I would do that with in my life. But not against it. I know some guys on the team do it with their girlfriends.