My eyes wander to the largest tree.

The first time with Perry was there.

That night comes back to me with perfect clarity, and my face warms as I remember how he looked and how I felt. How we were both trembling and trying not to laugh in our fumbling, breathless eagerness.

Then my memories sink deeper, and I am with Liv earlier that night. She’d pulled me behind the cookhouse after supper.

“I love him,” she said. “I’m ready. Roar and I are ready.”

That was the moment I decided Perry and I were ready too.

“Brooke, you two don’t have to just because we are,” Liv said.

“I love him too,” I told her.

Liv just stared at me, and I remember thinking, She knows. She knows Perry doesn’t love me. She would scent it, as a Scire. Know it, as his sister.

It was the kind of thought that flew like a sparrow through my mind. There and gone. I didn’t want to trap it and examine it then. Perry and I were happy. We had fun together. And I wanted to believe that fun would lead to better things. Deeper feelings between us.

So I hoped.

It’s strange now to think the four of us lost our virginity on the same night. It’s the sort of thing that would reinforce the Dwellers’ view of us as savages, if they knew. But I wouldn’t have had the courage any other way. I knew Perry would never hurt me. Even if he didn’t love me the way I loved him, he cared for me.

And I wanted to keep us all together, our paths heading in the same direction. My world was perfect when I was with Roar, Liv, and Perry. All I ever wanted was for us to stay the way we were.

“I’m sorry about what happened.”

Hyde’s voice pulls me from my memories, thankfully. I’m doing a rotten job at moving forward.

“With Liv,” he elaborates. He turns toward me slightly. His legs seem so much longer than mine. Like they go on forever. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

I guess I was wrong about no one caring how I feel about Liv. “Thanks . . . It feels like I lost her a long time ago, though.”

“When she left for Rim?”

“Yeah.” In a way, I’ve been grieving for Liv since she left to marry Sable, the northern Blood Lord she was betrothed to. The day she walked out of the Tide compound, I knew I’d probably never see her again. The difference is that now I’m sure of it.

A lump rises in my throat. I shouldn’t say anything more. But the way Hyde is watching me, like he really wants to know, to listen to me, makes me feel safe.