“In fact, one of the reasons I was going to cancel tonight was because I felt like a huge hypocrite—how can I judge her for wanting to do things that make her feel beautiful? I drove through a blizzard last night in a red dress and heels just so you’d look at me that way. And want me that way. And . . . like me.”

He laughed a little. “I did like you, didn’t I?”

I nodded and smiled up at him. “You liked me three whole times.”

“And did those three likes make you feel better about yourself?”

“Immeasurably.” I snuggled into his chest again.

“Then try not to be too hard on her.” He kissed the top of my head. “Or on yourself. We’re all just stumbling our way through life, hoping to arrive at the right destination. If something makes you feel good on the way, why not do it?”

I thought about his words as he walked me home, as he bid me farewell with a chaste hug in case anyone happened to be watching, as I shed my layers of winter clothing and joined the kids and my parents in the family room. The movie was over, and they were playing a board game now. They invited me to play too, and even offered to start the game over, so I couldn’t say no.

But I kept thinking about Henry. I wished he were here. I could smell him on me. I heard his voice in my head . . . If something makes you feel good, why not do it?

It seemed like such a fearless attitude to have, and it made me think about the opposite too—if something makes you feel bad, why not stop it? For so long, I’d lived in fear of being abandoned, of being alone and having to start over, of failing. And I let that fear prevent me from leaving a marriage that not only didn’t fulfill me, but robbed me of joy, of confidence, of self-worth.

But those days were over.

We could bloom here, all of us. I could feel it.

In the back of my mind, that voice reminded me that part of the new start I’d envisioned for myself meant learning to be happy on my own, and this thing with Henry did not exactly mesh with that plan. Becoming dependent on Henry to validate my own self-worth wasn’t any better than what I was doing before, was it? And what made me think I could trust him?

But being with him made me feel so damn good.

And if something made you feel good, why not do it?

14. Henry

Fourteen

Henry