I did my best to pull myself together before going upstairs, but it was a futile effort. Thankfully, Whitney’s light was already out when I entered her room. She was tucked beneath the sheets, holding her bear at her chest. I sat at the edge of her bed and smoothed her hair back.

“Who was at the door?” she asked.

“Mr. DeSantis.”

“Oh.” She was quiet for a minute, playing with her stuffed bear’s ears. “Mom?”

“Yes?”

“I knew it was Mr. DeSantis. And I heard you talking.”

“Oh.” I struggled for the right words. “I’m—I’m sorry you heard us. It must have been very upsetting. But I promise, Whitney, there is nothing going on between us. We are not dating.”

“I know. I heard.”

“After you and I talked on New Year’s Eve, he and I decided we wouldn’t get romantically involved.”

She hesitated. “Because of me?”

“No! No, honey, it wasn’t because of you. It’s because it was too soon. I wasn’t ready. Ever since then, we’ve only worked together. But even that is going to stop now.”

She rolled onto her side, facing me. “He said he loves you.”

“Yes, he did.”

“Do you believe him?”

I swallowed hard. “I don’t know, Whitney. That’s part of the problem.”

“Do you love him?”

“Not the way I love you.”

“But do you love him?”

“That’s . . . that’s complicated.”

“No, it’s not. It’s a yes or no question.”

Oh God, I was totally fucking this up, wasn’t I? What was the right thing to do? Tell her the truth and risk her feeling guilty and scared? Or lie to her to make her feel safe? I searched my heart and found myself unable to do either one. Instead, I tried to think about what my own mother would have said.

“Yes, Whitney. I do love him. But I don’t want to. My feelings are all mixed up right now—I’m working on sorting them out. The important thing is, nothing is going to change. All the promises I made to you, I’m going to keep. We’re going to move into our new house, fix it up just the way we want it, fill our barn with animals to take care of, and have the best time ever.”

She looked at me a moment longer. “Okay.”

I leaned over and gave her a long hug. “You and your brother are the most important things in my life,” I told her. “You’re all I need to be happy.”

It was when I was leaving her room, the door nearly shut behind me, that I thought I heard her say, “I don’t believe you.”

But she said it so quietly, I couldn’t be sure she’d said anything at all.

23. Henry

Twenty-Three

Henry

Two weeks went by.