I closed my eyes, willing myself to be strong and remember she was just a child, a hurt, scared child, whose world had been turned upside down. Everything she thought she’d known for certain was in question now. She didn’t feel safe, and she needed someone to blame. Her dad wasn’t here, but I was.

“I did cry, Whitney.” I opened my eyes and looked at my daughter. “For a while, I cried every night. And I still cry sometimes. But I make sure never to let you hear me, because I don’t want you to think I’m not okay, or that things won’t be okay again. Because they will.”

“How?” she cried, wiping her cheeks with both hands. “I feel like I’m just supposed to accept this new life with no dad, when I didn’t get a say in it!”

I nodded, swallowing hard. “I get it. And I’m sorry. I wish things were different, honey. But they’re not. And the truth is, I didn’t do anything to make your dad leave. I know you’re looking for something to point to, some reason he did what he did, some way to make it make sense, but . . .  I can’t really make sense of it either. I didn’t want this, but I have to accept it and get through it just like you guys do.”

She hurled herself back onto the bed and wailed into her pillow, but she didn’t protest when I lay down beside her and rubbed her back. There was something to be said for a good stress relief cry. A few tears slipped silently down my cheeks too.

Eventually, her sobs quieted, and then stopped.

“We were really unhappy, Whitney,” I said softly. “So unhappy that we couldn’t go on like that.”

“I know.”

“It has nothing to do with how much we love you. Even though your dad is being selfish right now, he does love you.”

She sniffled and turned her head toward me, speaking over her shoulder. “He’s being an asshole. You can say it in front of me.”

I had to laugh. “He’s being an asshole.”

She was silent a moment. “I’m sorry I said those things. I just get so mad sometimes.”

“It’s okay.” Sitting up, I smoothed her hair back, my throat tight. “When we’re angry, sometimes we say things we don’t mean to people we love, and they forgive us.”

“Do you forgive me?” She rolled to her back and looked up at me with tearful blue eyes that mirrored mine.

“Always. And I will always be here for you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Should we go tell Keaton?” she asked, her face growing concerned. “He’s going to be really upset.”

My heart swelled with love for her. “Let’s do it together. And then let’s think of something fun to do tonight, okay?”

“Okay.”

* * *