The look of hope on Rav’s face twisted her heart. ‘Really? You’re really ready to start trying?’

‘Not exactly ready, no.’

‘Well, no one’s ever really—’

‘Ready. Yes, I know.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘I’m sure.’

Rav wrapped his arms around her and inhaled, breathing in the smell of her hair like he used to when they were young and completely obsessed with each other. ‘Thank you,’ he whispered. He rubbed her back suggestively. ‘Maybe we could start trying right now?’ His hangover seemed to have magically healed itself. Chloe laughed and leaned in to kiss him, wondering how long it would take her to come to regret what she’d just promised.

4

Now

Every Saturday afternoon since they had moved to London Rav would disappear on to the Heath with his friends from school and play cricket in the summer or rugby in the winter. He would only be gone for three or four hours, leaving her to get her marking done during term time or just revel in the bliss of being alone during the holidays. Long, silent baths, dedicated excavations of her sock drawer, Saturday afternoons held the boring joys she’d once watched her mother indulge in and sworn she’d never take to herself.

She felt obliged to watch Rav play one cricket and one rugby match a year – ‘socials’ organized by some ham-necked friend of his (or rather, the ham-necked friend’s wife). On these occasions she turned up, stood on the side-lines looking pretty and made polite conversation with the other wives. To Rav’s credit, he never asked for more, and didn’t ever complain that, unlike his friends’ wives, she bought their contribution to the match tea from Sainsbury’s. Nor did he ever try to embroil himself with the people she worked with or crash their trips to the pub. He came to every production her school put on, clapped until his hands hurt and told Chloe it was brilliant even when it wasn’t.

The system worked. It was a square of fabric in the middle of the patchwork quilt of their marriage. And yet today, for the first time in as long as Chloe could remember, Rav had cancelled. He’d made an excuse that morning about his back hurting, giving too many details about the twinge in his lower spine. And rather than leaving her to her lovely, peaceful day, he had stridden around, getting ready too early to go out and making her nervous. Chloe wanted to ask why dinner with Max was so important that he was willing to cancel something he never, ever cancelled, even when she wished he would. But Rav was (quite rightly) embarrassed about his slavish admiration for Max and would lash out if she pushed the point.