‘I’m afraid we have a dress code.’

It was all Chloe could do not to scream. ‘I’m sorry?’

‘Our dress code prohibits trainers.’

Lissy had a spare pair of ballet pumps in her car, but by the time Chloe had got them and come back they had missed almost half of their time slot. The baby started to cry, Lissy’s single glass of champagne, the only one she could have, as she was driving, as she repeated four times, had gone flat and the entire afternoon was ruined.

It started to rain on the drive home and Claudia finally fell asleep in the back.

‘I’m sorry,’ Chloe said, watching the raindrops race down the car window.

The road noise didn’t fill the silence.

‘I forgot that we were supposed to be meeting.’

‘Yes, I had worked that out,’ Lissy snapped.

‘I didn’t mean to.’

‘Obviously. You can’t forget something on purpose.’

It struck Chloe that she wished you could forget things on purpose. That life would be far easier if you could.

‘Are you okay?’ Lissy softened. ‘I haven’t seen you like this since—’

She needn’t have stopped. Chloe knew exactly what she meant. She hadn’t seen her like this since Zadie, since the days of sleeping until 3 p.m. and having a glass of red wine as the first beverage of the day, the days of absolutely promising to turn up to something and then remembering three days later that she hadn’t even texted her apologies when she forgot to go.

‘I’m okay,’ she said. It wasn’t true. She wasn’t okay. She felt dirty, no matter how many showers she had. She felt swollen, and on the edge of weeping at every moment. She looked at Lissy’s profile, her neat hair and the little gold necklace with Claudia’s birthstone in it. She had got prettier since university. Getting older suited her. She was far sexier in her mid-thirties than she had been in her late teens. Perhaps it was because she had so much more of a grasp of herself, of her life. Back then, she had allowed Chloe to get away with being such a terrible friend. She had never complained that Chloe was a complete flake, someone who viewed her as a back-up option. Or maybe she didn’t realize it at the time.

Perhaps Lissy would know what to say. Perhaps it was unfair to assume she wouldn’t be able to help.

‘A friend of mine died recently. I’m just having a hard time with it.’

Lissy’s concern was genuine and obvious. ‘Oh, Chlo, I’m so sorry, that’s awful. What happened?’

‘She killed herself.’