Cam was still talking. “Did you know, for example, that because this house is owned by the Parker River Wildlife Refuge, which is part of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, it can’t be sold for money, only traded for other property? Did you know that snowy owls and hawks nest in the cupola? No? You didn’t? Did you know that it was fully occupied until the early two thousands even though it’s never had running water?” Alexa shook her head. She didn’t know any of this.

“Well, Alexa,” said Cam. “Let’s get you out of here.” He held out his hand to Alexa, and she took it. She swung one foot over the edge of the bed, and then the other. She was barefoot, and her toes were painted a pearly pink. (Despite the long-sleeved wedding dress, her wedding shoes must have been open-toed.) There was a mirror above the heavy dark dresser opposite the bed, and she let go of Cam’s hand and approached it with trepidation. She cleaned the dust off the mirror with the sleeve of her wedding dress. (The sleeves had come in handy after all.) She expected to see that she had aged years or maybe decades. She took a deep breath before looking.

There were cobwebs in her hair, but otherwise she looked exactly the same. This was an enormous relief. She turned to Cam and asked, “Why’d you leave me at the altar?”

“Leave you?”

“Yes.” She gestured to her wedding dress.

“I didn’t leave you.”

“You didn’t? Who did?”

“You left me.”

“I did?”

He nodded.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “That’s so rude. I didn’t mean to.”

“Oh, I think you did,” said Cam. “I’m really pretty sure that you did.”

“Are you mad?”

“Of course not. It’s not a big deal. Just a silly wedding!” He took her hand again and led her out of the bedroom and toward the landing.

They were about to walk down the stairs when suddenly the staircase crumbled beneath them, turning to pieces of dust and rubble.

“Darn it,” said Cam pleasantly. “Sorry about that, Alexa. I was trying to get you out before that happened. Oh well! I guess you can’t win them all.”

From the stair landing they could see down to the front door. Out of nowhere came a sharp series of raps on the door.

“Who could that be?” Alexa asked Cam.

“Oh, it’s probably the bad men.”

“The who?”

“The bad men,” he said. He turned toward her and smiled, but there were no teeth in his mouth. “The bad men are coming for you,” he said. “I told them you’d probably be here.”

She woke sweating, clutching Stock Investing for Dummies.

53.

Rebecca