But Julian didn’t let me. He made love to me. He made love to me when I thought he would whip me—when I expected him to punish me for not being his compliant little pet. He gave me tenderness when I expected cruelty; instead of taking me apart, he made me feel whole again, even if it was only for a few hours.

And now… now I miss him. Without him by my side, the coldness within me is beginning to creep back, the pain slowly returning to choke me from the inside. The fact that Julian did this to me against my objections—that he did this even though I begged him not to—is almost more than I can handle. It tells me that he doesn’t love me—that he may never love me.

It tells me that the man I’m married to may never be anything more than my captor.

At breakfast Julian is not there, a fact that contributes to my growing depression. I’ve gotten so used to having most of my meals with him that his absence feels like a rejection—though how I can still crave his company after everything is beyond my comprehension.

“Señor Esguerra grabbed a quick snack earlier,” Ana explains, serving me eggs mixed with refried beans and avocado. “He received some news that he had to deal with right away, so he’s not able to join you this morning. He apologized for that and told me that you can come to the office whenever you’re ready.” Her voice is unusually warm and kind, and there is sympathy on her face as she looks at me. I don’t know if she knows all the details about what happened last night, but I have a feeling she overheard the gist of it.

Embarrassed, I lower my gaze to my plate. “Okay, thank you, Ana,” I murmur, staring at the food. It looks as delicious as usual, but I have no appetite this morning. I know I’m not sick, but I feel that way, with my stomach churning and my chest aching. The fresh implants in my thigh, hip, and upper arm throb with a nagging pain. All I want to do is crawl under the covers and sleep the day away, but unfortunately, that’s not an option. I have a paper to do for my English Literature class, and I’m two lectures behind for my Calculus class. I did cancel my morning walk with Rosa, though; I have no desire to see my friend while I’m feeling this way.

“Would you like some hot chocolate or anything? Maybe coffee or tea?” Ana asks, still hovering by the table. Normally, when Julian and I are eating together, she makes herself scarce, but for some reason, she seems reluctant to leave me alone this morning.

I look up from my plate and force myself to give her a smile. “No, I’m okay, Ana, thanks.” Picking up my fork, I spear some eggs and bring them to my mouth, determined to eat something to alleviate the concern I see on the housekeeper’s softly rounded face.