‘You’ve not got the balls, so to speak. You’ll be back here this evening: “An Americano, please! – can I have a china cup?” Kill your fucking dead-self, Michael – do us all a favour.’

She said, ‘Where are you off to today, then?’

Shame washed up from his feet again, and he smiled.

‘Oh,’ he said – and he elongated the vowel to suggest mystery, or uncertainty, or the possibility that he was on some epic voyage.

Don’t ask me! That was what his ‘oh’ implied, and he backed it up with a broader smile and a headshake, trying to mix weariness with the excitement of the challenges he faced. ‘I am young, really,’ he wanted to say. ‘This journey that I’m making today is not to Crewe at all… it’s a spontaneous trip that could take me anywhere. I’m free, and the world is wide open – my life is not a disappointment.’

‘Up country,’ was what he said.

The girl nodded, of course. Her name was Zara – there was a badge saying so. Up country meant north, perhaps – or simply some distance from here.

‘I’m going to see my daughter,’ he said.

‘Where’s she?’

‘I don’t have one!’ That should have been his jaunty riposte. ‘I caught you out there, Zara! I was joking. Crikey, no! I am a childless man, can you not see that? Smell my clothes. Look at my skin.’

‘She’s at Leeds University,’ he said, because that’s where Elizabeth’s son was or had been studying, so he’d learned somehow, even as Zara nodded. The rubble of his life was all about him, but he was still holding onto the counter and he felt the tears prick his eyes again as he smiled even harder. Zara was still making his Americano, it seemed – sorting out the milk. She served it at last, and put the jug beside the cup. His time with her was almost up: he had ten seconds left, if he moved slowly. In ten seconds’ time he would cease to be a safe, harmless customer, and he wanted more than anything to remain a safe, harmless customer.

He said, ‘People who know you are very lucky.’

The blood rushed to his face, in a tide. He couldn’t look at her. He heard her laugh, because laughter always diffuses intimacy. She hauled everything back to a safe area, and said, ‘Oh, how sweet.’

The word turned him into what he was – a stupid old man – and he moved away before she could think he was dirty, or predatory, or worst of all lonely. No, he was off to see his daughter, in her mind – and a man who was off to see his daughter could not be dangerous. He could have a daughter of university age – he wasn’t too old – and she would be looking forward to seeing him. Might she even be joining him at Crewe, on platform number seven?