She nodded, not able to deny that a nap sounded tempting, but knowing there were more pressing things to attend to. The castle looked a little gloomy in the winter light and was without a peacock in sight as she kicked off her shoes and lay on the bed. Her heart suddenly filled with longing for her dad. Her grief did this: hit her like a wave that could knock her off her feet with only the smallest of provocations.

‘Hey, don’t cry!’ Miguel dropped down by the side of the bed and knelt on the floor, smoothing her forehead. ‘I am so sad for you, for your whole family. I wish I could make it better.’

She stared at the sweet man and sat up straight, her tears contained. For now.

‘The night you left, I had plans that went horribly wrong. It was one of the worst nights I can remember, but I know it was much, much worse for you, Merrin. First that creep turning up, and then your dad . . .’

‘Miguel, we need to talk,’ she began.

‘I know.’ He gave a half-smile but his eyes spoke of sorrow.

She placed her hand over her mouth and sat very still, while trying to order the words that had been forming in her mind since that very night.

‘Miguel, you are the most wonderful human being. I love you in my own way. I do! But . . .’

‘I don’t want there to be a “but”,’ he whispered.

‘But, I don’t want to marry you and I know that’s what you were thinking of.’ She knew that straight talking would make all the difference when he looked back on it.

‘I was. I am,’ he corrected. ‘So what about what I want?’ He looked up at her and her heart broke at the sadness that dressed his face. ‘Everything is always on your terms, Merrin, but what about what I want?’ he repeated.

She hated that she was hurting this lovely man because she could not give him what he wanted. An image of Digby floated into her mind and she wondered if he had felt similar. It was both revealing and distressing how easy it was to harm another when one person’s emotions were out of sync with the other’s.

‘I want you.’ He swallowed his tears.

She spoke without hesitation. ‘I’ve had the brakes on for so long, emotionally, and that’s made it impossible for me to fall in love. I haven’t liked who I’ve become, Miguel; I haven’t liked this half-life, hiding away here and pretending at happiness. And I know any woman would be so lucky to be asked by you, it’s me who’s—’

‘Don’t!’ He held up his hand, his tone sharper than she was used to. ‘Just don’t, Merrin.’