She nodded. ‘I guess so. I’ve stayed away for so long, and even when I talk to my family on the phone, I kind of hold my breath, waiting for a comment or a word that will pull me back to that bloody day.’

‘It’s self-preservation, Merrin. Like going back to the scene of an accident. I think it’s going to be painful for you, of course, but it’ll get easier the more we do it.’

We . . . This word, uttered so easily, made her more than a little nervous. It felt like a pressure that she was at that moment ill equipped to handle.

‘I’ll be right by your side,’ he tried to encourage.

‘I don’t want to dwell on it, Miguel, but . . .’ She paused and swallowed, wary of raising the topic. ‘People might, you know, want to talk about what happened to me.’ She kept her eyes fixed ahead as her mouth went dry. ‘What with my sister getting married and everything. It’s bound to draw comparisons.’

‘Will it make you sad, do you think? I can’t stand the thought of you being unsettled or on edge, not on a rare weekend off.’

‘I don’t think I’ll be sad, but I guess it’ll be weird. I think I’m as prepared for it as I can be, and, I mean, I have to do it sometime, right? And at the end of the day, it’s Ruby and Jarvis’s time to shine. Plus, Port Charles now has an abandoned single mother to talk about.’ She thought of her beloved Bella and shook her head at the tragedy of it all. ‘So, hopefully, me getting ditched at the altar will be old news.’ It was easy to joke but her throat constricted and her palms ran to sweat at her words.

‘Good.’ He reached out and touched his fingers to her cheek. ‘Got to be honest, I’m still more concerned with trying to figure out how we have sex in your parents’ cottage without your dad coming after me with a shotgun!’

‘A shotgun? Hardly! I told you before, it’s an axe.’ She turned her head to kiss his fingers. Her stomach churned at the thought of what lay ahead: her sister’s wedding preparations and walking up the road to the church. With the sting of tears at the back of her throat, she sniffed, and focused on the road ahead, doing her best to subdue the emotion that threatened, and ignoring the temptation to find the nearest exit and turn the car around.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN MIGUEL

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

MIGUEL

Miguel had fallen asleep, a miracle in his girlfriend’s less than comfortable, ancient car, only to be woken by her excited shouts.

‘Look, the sea! I can see the sea! God, it’s so beautiful!’ Merrin yelled with child-like energy.