“Okay.” She blows out a heavy breath. “And you’re sure? You’re so sure that you would bet your life on it?”

“Yes,” I answer. “Trust me when I say there are no sex shows at this⁠—”

Ding.

“What was that?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” I say, glancing around.

Whispering, she says, “Do you think it’s a camera? Maybe they have this place miked up. I don’t think mics can pick up a lower register in the voice.” She starts talking in a deep, husky tone. “We need to come up with our own language to bypass the spying.”

“For the love of God,” I say, getting out of bed. “They do not have the cabin miked up.”

“You don’t know that,” she says, still in a deep voice. “This could be how they choose what we do every day. It could be how they knew we’d taken all the erotica merch down too. Quick, come over here, and act like we’re doing it. Maybe they’ll release us from this hellhole early because all our problems are solved.” She slaps the wall but then shakes her hand and says, “Ouch.”

“What are you doing?”

She picks up a Kama Sutra book that is on her nightstand and starts tapping it against the wall. “Oh…oh, Wilder,” she says in a girly voice. “You big, big man. Look at that…at that slayer of yours. Enormous.” She continues to tap the wall, replicating the sound of a steady headboard hitting the wall. “You’re so…full of girth and ready to explode.”

A cringe takes over my expression. “Jesus Christ, is that how you talk while having sex?”

She doesn’t listen to me though. She keeps pounding. “Oh yes, right there. You’re hitting the spot made by the gods.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Look at my nipples. They’re hard for your penis.”

“That’s a first.”

“And oh wow, yeah, shimmy again for me.”

I point at her. “I don’t shimmy during sex. Only when I’m singing ‘Luck Be a Lady.’”

“Yes, you wear those nipple tassels. Shake them, baby.”

Okay, that’s enough. I walk up to her, take the Kama Sutra, and toss it to the side. “Stop that. They don’t have mics in here.”

“Then what was that sound?” she asks. “We don’t have cellular devices. They took them from us. There are electronics in here, and we need to sniff them out.”

She flies out of bed and starts sniffing the air.

I rub my hand over my forehead and say, “What the fuck are you sniffing for?”

“Warmth.”

Okay, seriously, Mika did not warn me about this. I know I said life experiences wanted, but having to calm down a paranoid woman because she’s sniffing for “warmth” while looking for electronics—that’s not what I had in mind.

Ding.