Scottie places the pictures in the corner and then scans the room, her watchful eyes taking in every nook and cranny. “There, I think that’s better. All we needed to do was take the sex out of this marriage.”

“Couldn’t be prouder,” I say and then go for our bags. I place them on the bed so we can unpack. “No wonder everyone was gunning to win the mini golf competition. They probably knew they were going to get a free basket of sex toys and condoms.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think about that,” she says. “Makes sense.”

I flip open my suitcase, and I’m met with a paper on the top from Camp Haven.

“What’s this?” I ask, holding it up.

“I have no idea,” she says, walking up to me. “What does it say?”

“‘Dear Camper, your suitcase has been examined by the camp staff, and we’ve found the following contraband in your bag.’” There’s a list of different contraband items, and at the bottom, food/drink is circled. “Holy shit, I think they took the Nerds Clusters.”

“Nooooo,” Scottie says next to me. “Check.”

“I don’t need to. They were right here, on top. They’re gone.” What the fuck is this? They just go through our bags without our consent?

“The hell? What else is on that list?” She takes it from me and scans it for a few seconds before looking up. “Condoms, sex toys, lube, edibles, it’s all on here. What a scam! They want you buying their costly condoms.”

“And here I thought Sanders was an upstanding man.” I shake my head. “I’ll tell you this, my opinion of him has severely dropped with this blatant display of capitalism.”

“Took the Nerds Clusters. Wow, first a blow to the head, and now a blow to the heart.” She drops the piece of paper and walks over to the bathroom.

I start pulling my clothes out when I hear her yelp.

“What’s wrong?”

“Wilder, come here.”

Curious, I set my clothes down and head over to the bathroom, where Scottie is standing, staring straight ahead.

I follow her line of sight, straight to the steam shower, where a large dildo is stuck to the wall.

“Dear God,” I whisper. “Whatever you do, don’t drop the soap, Scottie. For the love of God, don’t drop the soap.”

Chapter Ten

SCOTTIE

“How do you feel?” Wilder asks as I slip on my shoes.