“It’s hope,” he says. “It’s debilitating, because when it doesn’t work out, you have to be the one that sits in that crushed hope and figure out how to swim your way out. I get it. I’m there right now. Coming here, to a place we loved before, I had all the hope in the world that we would make things work, but I just don’t think that’s going to happen.” He sighs. “I’m really sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” I say and then put my arm around him and rub his back. “And I’m sorry I lied. I’ll come clean to everyone.”

“No, don’t,” he says. “This can stay between you and me. I get why you did it. We haven’t made it easy for you to fit in at the office.”

“Yeah, but I can’t keep up this farce. People will ask.”

“So are you saying you’re not going to at least give it a shot with Wilder? Because there has to be something there, right?”

“There is,” I say. “I’ve never been treated the way he treats me, and I know he’s genuine, because he’s not the kind of man who would blow smoke up my ass, but he’s also two years younger and doesn’t quite know what he wants, and I can’t be his guinea pig, you know?”

“I get that.”

I pull my legs in close. “It feels so weird talking to you about this, but I just think…I think I need to come clean. As I’m hearing you talk about you and your wife, it makes me think I shouldn’t give out false hope. And I know everyone is different, and I truly hope that you and Danielle work things out, but Wilder and I shouldn’t be the ones that people look up to.”

“I understand,” he says.

And then we sit there in silence for a moment, both of us staring out at the lake.

“If you ever want to chat about this some more, Chad, you can always come into my office.”

“Same, Scottie. Same.”

“Is everything okay?” Sanders asks as I take a deep breath.

I asked Sanders, Ellison, and Wilder to meet with me in the therapy cabin. I haven’t seen Wilder since I left our session, so when he came up to me, looking concerned, I felt incredibly guilty. But this needs to be done.

“Um, no, not really.” I twist my hands on my lap, feeling really nervous and hoping this doesn’t affect me and my job. “I need to come clean about something.” I feel Wilder stiffen next to me, but I keep pushing forward. “When I told the office that I was married and that my husband and I were going through some rough times, I lied.”

Ellison sits up straight, looking confused.