The cat lays there, dead. Ropes of its intestines pushed out through its open mouth. Its ribcage – flattened like a sheet of paper.

I wave at the priest, “Stop. Please.”

He does. Rolls down the window. I say, “you just ran over this poor cat.”

He doesn’t even bother to look at it. He merely looks at me and asks, “Does it matter?”

And with that, he cranks up his window and speeds off down the lane. And as I’m left standing there with the squeezed out remains of that dead cat, I wonder to myself, “Does it matter? Does any of this really matter?”

The answer’s no.

The answer’s always been no.

Part Five

PART FIVE

GRACIOUS HOST

EMAIL FROM AGNES PETRELLA

Date: 08/12/2000

Time: 11:29 a.m.

From: Agnes Petrella <agnes_in_wonderland_76@[omitted].com>

To: Zoe Cross <crushedmarigolds@[omitted].com>

Subject: Things may be changing

It may be finally happening for us.

I woke up this morning and found myself unable to pull myself away from kneeling before the toilet.

I have the most intense abdominal pain I’ve ever felt. Worse than my usual period cramps. It feels like a cat’s claw raking through my insides and readjusting what it finds there.

I think it’s finally happened: I’m carrying life inside me.

It’s yours, too.

Ours.

EMAIL FROM ZOE CROSS

Date: 08/12/2000

Time: 1:17 p.m.

From: Zoe Cross <crushedmarigolds@[omitted].com>

To: Agnes Petrella <agnes_in_wonderland_76@[omitted].com>

Subject: Re: Things may be changing

Agnes,

I’m delighted to hear you’re so optimistic about everything. It sounds promising, from what I can tell.

You very well could be hosting a parasite now.

The only way to actually be certain of the infection is to consult with your primary care physician.

I would make an appointment with him or her as soon as possible.

Zoe

EMAIL FROM AGNES PETRELLA

Date: 08/12/2000

Time: 2:32 p.m.

From: Agnes Petrella <agnes_in_wonderland_76@[omitted].com>

To: Zoe Cross <crushedmarigolds@[omitted].com>

Subject: Re: Things may be changing

Are you happy, my love? Please tell me you are.

EMAIL FROM ZOE CROSS

Date: 08/12/2000

Time: 3:19 p.m.

From: Zoe Cross <crushedmarigolds@[omitted].com>

To: Agnes Petrella <agnes_in_wonderland_76@[omitted].com>

Subject: Re: Things may be changing

I’m happy if you are, my love. That’s all that matters.

Let me know what the doctor says.

EMAIL FROM AGNES PETRELLA

Date: 08/15/2000

Time: 3:54 p.m.

From: Agnes Petrella <agnes_in_wonderland_76@[omitted].com>

To: Zoe Cross <crushedmarigolds@[omitted].com>

Subject: It’s a boy

It’s real. I can hardly believe it.

I had to sit down and compose myself when the doctor first told me.

There’s a living thing inside me.

And it’s ours, my love.

It’s ours.

They ran some more tests – bloodwork, a stool sample, etc. And that’s when the doctor came into the room and explained I’m the host to a tapeworm.

Our child.