I’ll be on Instant Messenger tomorrow night at 11. We can discuss more then.

Yours,

Zoe

INSTANT MESSAGING CONVERSATION BETWEEN AGNES AND ZOE

07/31/2000

[<crushedmarigolds> has entered the chat]

[<agnes_in_wonderland_76> has entered the chat]

11:00:32 <crushedmarigolds> Hey

11:00:49 <crushedmarigolds> Right on time

11:00:57 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> I told you things would be different now

11:01:05 <crushedmarigolds> Yes. I’m glad.

11:01:12 <crushedmarigolds> Glad you’re here

11:01:19 <crushedmarigolds> Glad you came back

11:01:25 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> I could never stay away from you

11:01:37 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> You’re the only person in my life who hasn’t asked me to leave

11:01:46 <crushedmarigolds> Why would I do that?

11:01:58 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> When I was little, I thought if people hurt you, it meant that they loved you

11:02:04 <crushedmarigolds> What made you think that?

11:02:19 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> My parents worked a lot when I was younger, and they asked my aunt to look after me while they were out.

11:02:38 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> My aunt used to play a game with me to keep me quiet, keep me out of the way. She would make me hold an egg and send me into a locked broom closet.

11:02:54 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> She used to make me stand in there, holding the egg for hours on end. When it was time to come out, she used to inspect the egg and make sure it hadn’t cracked.

11:02:13 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> If it had cracked, she used to make me eat it. Every last drop. Even the shell.

11:02:29 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> I’d stand there crying, egg smeared all over my face. And she’d say, “I only do this because there are people out there who will do far worse to you.”

11:02:38 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> I guess that’s what makes people do horrible things – they think whatever they’re doing isn’t nearly as bad as what somebody else will do

11:02:50 <crushedmarigolds> I would never do anything horrible to you

11:03:01 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> I know you wouldn’t

11:03:12 <crushedmarigolds> Everything I’ve asked of you, I’ve made you do – it’s been from a place of love

11:03:19 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> I know it has

11:03:28 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> That’s why I came back

11:03:39 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> Someone else would do far worse things to me

11:03:48 <crushedmarigolds> I would never let that happen

11:03:56 <crushedmarigolds> We made an arrangement. Remember?

11:04:03 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> Yes

11:04:11 <agnes_in_wonderland_76> Do you ever worry you’ll hurt me?

11:04:16 <crushedmarigolds> Sometimes

11:04:22 <crushedmarigolds> I once dreamt about killing you

11:04:39 <crushedmarigolds> It wasn’t one of those dreams you wake up from in a cold sweat, heart pumping like an engine – feeling like you’ve just run headfirst into a concrete wall. Skull cracked open and juices leaking everywhere.