Impulsively, I leaned toward him and our lips met. I expected him to pull away. Our being together was wrong. For Saul, because of his lost fiancée. For me, because I did not believe that I could possibly be a woman he could love under these circumstances, or maybe at all. I had just lost everything. How was it possible to feel so much sorrow and joy at the same time? But both of us were swept away, powerless to stop the feelings that had grown between us.

Several seconds later, we broke apart. “But how can we possibly?” I blurted out. “I’m not religious.”

“Does that matter here?” He smiled. I wanted to ask what would happen to us if we made it out. Neither of us dared speak of a future, though. The moment would have to be enough.

I moved closer, taking comfort in the warmth of his affection. But my thoughts quickly turned back to my mother. “I’m just so worried.”

“Your mother would never leave you for good,” he said. “Not by choice. Something must have stopped her from coming back.”

The notion was not a comforting one. “She could have been arrested or hurt or worse,” I fretted. I waited for him to argue with me, and reassure me that it hadn’t happened. But he could not. “I never should have let her go,” I berated myself.

“You couldn’t have stopped her.”

I nodded, acknowledging the truth of what he’d said. “I just feel so powerless. Trapped down here, I can’t do anything to help her.”

“Maybe your friend can help.”

Ella, I remembered suddenly. The previous Sunday, in my sadness and shock after Mama left, I had not gone to see her. I was surprised that Saul had suggested I go to her now. He did not trust Ella and, under normal circumstances, asking her for help was the last thing I would have thought he’d suggest. “You made me swear not to go to her.”

“Yes. I was worried about you and wished you hadn’t gone, but she’s the one person who might be able to help.”

I considered the suggestion. In my worry, I had not considered asking Ella for help. The last time I had seen Ella had been nearly two weeks earlier. I had missed our regular visit and I didn’t know if Ella had given up or stopped coming. But I would try.

It was only Wednesday, I realized. I would have to wait another four days to see Ella. The days between passed slowly. At last, on Sunday morning, I set out from the chamber while the others were still asleep. In the tunnel, I stopped again, seeing a shadow ahead. Someone blocking my path. Panic rose in me. Bubbe, I realized, taking in the hunched figure. I relaxed somewhat. I had not noticed that she was not in her bed.

“What are you doing out here?” I asked.

“I was just going to fetch water,” she replied.