“I am. And I want you to know, it’s not just that fact that made me trust Prince Hawthorne and his advisors. They are good people, Carex. I kept them at a distance initially, but time and time again, they’ve proven themselves to me. Please, give them a chance.” The words are a balm to my frayed heart. I didn’t realize how much I needed to admit to myself that my interest in Thorne and the friendship I have with Silene and Fionn has nothing to do with the mating bond. Carex only nods, eyes filled with too many emotions for me to decipher. “I know I don’t need to tell you this, but this is to be kept secret,” I order. “Other than the Velmarans, only Admon knows. I’m still processing what this means and what I want to do about it. I’d rather not do that with nobles and courtiers breathing down my neck.”

“Of course,” he says, hands over his heart. “I’ll try to give them a chance, Laurel. I swear I will.” For the first time in months, his expression is open and genuine, and I feel content I told him this information, that I finally put the relationship we had behind us.

Carex leaves, and I take a moment to look around the Council chamber, looking for clues I know I won’t find. I made it through the meeting, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still reeling from what I had to reveal and feeling emotionally raw in the aftermath. Nemesia ran hundreds—thousands—of Council meetings in this room, standing confidently at the head of the massive round oak table. Mugs and loose papers litter the room, and I react to the normalcy they represent. The room should be charred, broken, dark—anything that symbolizes the inner turmoil I feel thinking about her counseling me after she’d already become a betrayer. When was the last time she was here as my friend? After which meeting did she decide to betray me?