We see people encouraging each other up to tell short stories from their life, and the reaction of the crowds.

All telling their stories. Mostly

Men. Not because they had better stories

But because they had no doubt that we should

Hear them. The night wore on. I wondered: Would

A woman speak? And one or two did. But

Like the men – like most of us – they said what

They thought others wanted to hear. Or lied,

Or humble-bragged, or said the nice, polite

Clichéd things that nice people like to say …

We see a man and woman on the stage together and we hear the following snippet.

FEMALE SPEAKER

He’s just ‘the one’ – we get married in May.

He’s like my rock? Wouldn’t you say so, Steven?

MALE SPEAKER

Yeah: everything happens for a reason

And we’re just meant to be! Our stars aligned.

FEMALE SPEAKER

It’s Fate! (Our gift registry’s online.)

AUTHOR

Some said ‘brave’ things that took no bravery

To say, or were dull, or didn’t move me –

Or spoke about their ‘journeys’ with an air

Of triumph. I was starting to despair …

Then I saw Alvita. That is: the Wife

Of Willesden. And the story of her life’s

Worth hearing.

RYAN

Tho’ she’s a bit deaf herself

In one ear … but otherwise in good health.

WINSTON

And skilful! Makes her own clothes, every stitch.

That’s not Armani – that’s Alvita!

ASMA

Rich

She is not. But she never passed a Big

Issue vendor without chucking a quid

Their way.

WINSTON

Cuss you if you don’t.

ZAIRE

Fake gold chains

Are her jewellery of choice. She drips like rain.

DARREN

Her underwear is dramatic – and red.

Like the soles of her knock-off ‘Choos’. It’s said

She looks bold. She gives side-eye perfectly.

ZAIRE

She’s been that bitch since 1983.

RYAN

And yeah, she’s been hitched five times to five men.

WINSTON

(Without counting back-in-the-day bredrin.)

ASMA

But we don’t need to get into that now.

She’s a well-travelled woman. She allows

Herself adventures. Self-care is her truth.

She’s been Ibiza, Corfu, Magaluf.

DARREN

She likes to wander. Hates to be tied down.

With that gap-toothed smile she strides around town

Dressed to impress.

ZAIRE

Wears an isicholo:

A big Zulu hat. She’s not Zulu, no …

But let woman have her hat!

WINSTON

And a skirt

That shows her shape.

DARREN

And them shoes that will hurt

You if you’re in her way.

ASMA

She’s not just fierce

Though. She’s sweet and wise. Cupid’s dart has pierced

Her so often, she’s an expert on love.

DARREN

Been there, done that. This one knows it all, bruv.