When Eddie opened the registry office door, Gina stood open mouthed as she spotted all her family and friends. ‘Oh my God!’ she exclaimed as the realisation of what was happening finally hit home.

Forever the charmer, Eddie took Gina by the hand and led her to the two front rows where her family and friends were sitting. He stopped right in front of her parents and dropped to one knee.

‘Soppy cunt,’ Gary whispered to Ricky.

Raymond squeezed Polly’s hand and Stuart grinned. In prison Ed had been such a hard nut and it was nice to see a softer side to him.

‘Ahh, bless him,’ Joanie said, wiping her eyes.

Reg and Albert glanced at one another in amazement. Had Ed lost his marbles? they both thought silently.

Eddie cleared his throat. ‘Gina, I love you so much, darling, that I couldn’t wait any longer for you to become my wife, so would you do me the great honour of marrying me right now?’

Overcome by a mixture of shock and emotion, Gina burst into uncontrollable tears. ‘Yes. Oh Ed, this is the best birthday present I’ve ever had,’ she sobbed.

Ricky nudged Gary. ‘Fuck this for a game of soldiers – let’s go outside and have a fag.’

Joey glared at his half-brothers as they stood up and left the room.

‘Ignore them. They’re just playing up because your dad chose you to be his best man,’ Dominic whispered in his boyfriend’s ear.

The registrar allowed the introductions to take place, then asked Eddie and Gina if they were ready for the service to begin. Aware that Gary and Ricky were still absent, Joanie stomped outside to find them. When she did, she found them both in hysterical laughter.

‘What’s so fucking funny? Ain’t you coming back inside?’ she asked angrily.

Gary was laughing so much that he was almost bent double. Unable to speak, he pointed at the horse and carriage that had just trotted into the car park. Neither Gary nor Ricky had had any idea that their father had booked this monstrosity to take him and Gina to the reception.

Vi appeared by Joanie’s side. ‘What the hell’s goin’ on? The service has already started.’

Ricky nodded towards the horse and carriage. ‘We were just laughing at that. Who do they think they are, Charles and Diana? Look at its poncy roof.’

‘The old man is such a soppy prick at times. Can you imagine if Jimmy O’Hara or some other face he knows drives past him in that? They’ll think he’s lost the fucking plot,’ Gary chuckled.

Joanie was furious. ‘Yous two will never understand a bit of old-fashioned romance while you’ve got holes in your arses. Now get inside before I brain the fucking pair of ya.’