The implication of my words sunk in and Ziggy looked like I’d slapped him. “Why would you do something like that?”

I shrugged. “I’m a doctor. I’m supposed to save lives and help people. And Cyrus needs me.” I wished I could take the words back. Not because Ziggy had heard them, but because by saying them, I’d acknowledged the truth. “Nathan can’t know about this.”

“Are you nuts?” His young face lit up with relief. “All you gotta do is tell him what’s going on. He’ll take care of everything.”

“No!” I said a little too loudly, and I heard Nathan roll restlessly on the couch. I explained more quietly, “If Cyrus kills him, what good was the deal I made? I’ll still be stuck with him, and Nathan will be dead. It will all have been for nothing.”

“Then why are you telling me?”

I chewed my lip. “I guess because…I don’t want you both to hate me.”

“If you’re going to be with him—” he stopped and shook his head in disbelief “—if you’re going to be like him, Nate is going to hate you. But I won’t let him bad-mouth you too much.”

“That’s all I can ask,” I said with a smile. The expression on Ziggy’s face was nothing if not heartbreaking. I felt my heart fly apart like a body hitting the sidewalk from forty stories above.

“I won’t give him the letter until sunup. That way, even if he wanted to do something rash, he’ll have some time to cool off.”

“Good thinking.” I reached for Ziggy’s hand and he didn’t pull away. “Thank you.”

He seemed embarrassed by my gesture and quickly withdrew his hand. “Yeah, well, if we ever meet up in a dark alley, do me a favor and don’t eat me, okay?”

“Deal.”

I lay down then and finally slept. When I woke, the apartment was dark and empty. It was time to go.

I picked up my shopping bag full of clothes, cushioning my diploma and the photo of my parents between sweaters, and made sure I had my letter to Dr. Fuller. Then I started down the stairs to the street.

On the sidewalk, I stopped at the railing of the basement stairs as I heard Nathan groan in disgust. “How many candles would you estimate have melted into this rose-scented mess?”

“Twenty?” Ziggy answered him.

There was a long pause before Nathan replied. “Yeah, that sounds right.”

I took a deep breath to ease the ache in my chest as I walked away. They would be fine without me. I’d only just come into their lives. There’d hardly been enough time to form an attachment. But I’d never had such a longing for family, warmth, comfort. Being raised by emotionally distant parents had almost entirely eradicated any notions of familial love I might have had. But with Nathan and Ziggy, just for a moment, I’d felt like I belonged.

It hurt more to give it up than I would have expected.