“You should have been a nurse instead of a doctor,” he wheezed. His body trembled with the chills that inevitably follow vomiting. “Or a mom.”

I laughed out loud. “Yeah. I’m not sure that was in the cards for me.”

“Didn’t you want to have kids?”

This didn’t sound as accusatory as it might have coming from someone else, like someone who was pushing a stroller at the time for instance. I’d always been the woman explaining why she had no desire to have children. I was about to tell him this, when he spoke again.

“It’s a moot point, anyway, since you can’t now.”

An icy pain knifed through my chest, stealing my breath. I stood and leaned against the sink. “What?”

His face went even greener, if that were possible, but I knew it had nothing to do with the potion. “I’m so sorry. I assumed you knew.”

“No, I didn’t. It’s just…it’s okay.” I waved a hand in the air, hoping to look blasé. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I never planned on being a mom. I probably wouldn’t have been very good at it.”

But now that the choice was taken away from me, I grieved for the loss of the possibility. You’re being ridiculous, Carrie.

“I think you would have been a great mother.” His words sounded pained, but it could have just been from the violent nausea.

“Yeah, well. Tell that to my last boyfriend.”

Nathan sat back against the wall for support. Sweat beaded on his skin, but he didn’t look as gray as he had moments before. His eyes searched my face. “Why do you say that?”

Turning to rewet the cloth, I shrugged. I shouldn’t have mentioned Eric. Even though we’d broken up nine months before, the wound was suddenly incredibly raw.

To my surprise, I started blabbing the whole stupid story. “Because he dumped me for not being a good-enough mom for his hypothetical children.” Despite the painful truth of it, I could still manage a chuckle. “Basically, he seemed to be under the impression that when we graduated from med school, I was going to stay home and bake cookies or something while he had the career. He decided he was going to buy a house near Boston, I told him I was coming here for my internship, and he gave me an ultimatum. When I told him my decision, that I was going to go through with my internship, he said it was for the better. He wanted children, and he couldn’t imagine me being a good mother. So that was it.”

I’d been looking at my hands, the shower curtain, the towel rack, anything to avoid the sight of Nathan’s face. But he stayed silent too long, and my eyes were drawn to his.

He didn’t look away. “He’s an idiot.” Nathan said the words as though he actually believed them. And his eyes showed the truth of it.

I’d forgotten what it was like to feel valued by another person. It was nice, even if I didn’t quite understand what had prompted such an emotional reaction from Nathan. Still, it was a feeling I wasn’t used to. I cleared my throat. “Did you ever want kids?”