Contents (57)
- THE TRIMMED LAMP
- * * *
- O. HENRY
- *
- Contents
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- The Trimmed Lamp
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- A Madison Square Arabian Night
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- The Rubaiyat of a Scotch Highball
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- The Pendulum
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- Two Thanksgiving Day Gentlemen
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- The Assessor of Success
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- The Buyer from Cactus City
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- The Badge of Policeman O'Roon
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- Brickdust Row
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- The Making of a New Yorker
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- Vanity and Some Sables
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- The Social Triangle
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- The Purple Dress
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- The Foreign Policy of Company 99
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- The Lost Blend
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- A Harlem Tragedy
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- "The Guilty Party"
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- According to Their Lights
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- A Midsummer Knight's Dream
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- The Last Leaf
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- The Count and the Wedding Guest
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- The Country of Elusion
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- The Ferry of Unfulfilment
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- The Tale of a Tainted Tenner
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- Elsie in New York
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- * * *
"But the other barrel! Say, bartender, did you ever put on a straw hat with a yellow band around it and go up in a balloon with a pretty girl with $8,000,000 in your pocket all at the same time? That's what thirty drops of it would make you feel like. With two fingers of it inside you you would bury your face in your hands and cry because there wasn't anything more worth while around for you to lick than little Jim Jeffries. Yes, sir, the stuff in that second barrel was distilled elixir of battle, money and high life. It was the color of gold and as clear as glass, and it shone after dark like the sunshine was still in it. A thousand years from now you'll get a drink like that across the bar.
"Well, we started up business with that one line of drinks, and it was enough. The piebald gentry of that country stuck to it like a hive of bees. If that barrel had lasted that country would have become the greatest on earth. When we opened up of mornings we had a line of Generals and Colonels and ex-Presidents and revolutionists a block long waiting to be served. We started in at 50 cents silver a drink. The last ten gallons went easy at $5 a gulp. It was wonderful stuff. It gave a man courage and ambition and nerve to do anything; at the same time he didn't care whether his money was tainted or fresh from the Ice Trust. When that barrel was half gone Nicaragua had repudiated the National debt, removed the duty on cigarettes and was about to declare war on the United States and England.
"'Twas by accident we discovered this king of drinks, and 'twill be by good luck if we strike it again. For ten months we've been trying. Small lots at a time, we've mixed barrels of all the harmful ingredients known to the profession of drinking. Ye could have stocked ten bars with the whiskies, brandies, cordials, bitters, gins and wines me and Tim have wasted. A glorious drink like that to be denied to the world! 'Tis a sorrow and a loss of money. The United States as a nation would welcome a drink of that sort, and pay for it."
All the while McQuirk had been carefully measuring and pouring together small quantities of various spirits, as Riley called them, from his latest pencilled prescription. The completed mixture was of a vile, mottled chocolate color. McQuirk tasted it, and hurled it, with appropriate epithets, into the waste sink.
"'Tis a strange story, even if true," said Con. "I'll be going now along to my supper."
"Take a drink," said Riley. "We've all kinds except the lost blend."
"I never drink," said Con, "anything stronger than water. I am just after meeting Miss Katherine by the stairs. She said a true word. 'There's not anything,' says she, 'but is better off for a little water.'"