I walked to a corner of the steps and sat down. In all the years I had put up with Ma’s abuse, I had never felt so empty and so worthless. It was only a small lie, I told myself. After all, it didn’t hurt Nora; she was already dead. And I’m doing it for Lily.

But a lie is still a lie! roared Father McGinty, his image crowding close to my face.

Part of me wanted to roar back at him, It’s all your fault. If the likes of you hadn’t filled my head since I was a child with threats of the fires of Hell for even the smallest sin, I wouldn’t be suffering the way I am now! But my courage failed me. Guilt, once it’s imprinted deeply on your soul, is almost impossible to get rid of. It becomes as much a part of you as your heart or your reason, and you realize if you let go of it, you will lose a part of yourself along with it.

Nora

Nora

When I woke up and opened my eyes, I had no notion of where I was. I stared around me at the walls and ceilings. The glaring lights above nearly blinded me. Where was I at all? An awful fear came over me. I had a faraway memory of floating in water. Was I still there? I patted my body with my hands. No, I was dry enough. Mother of God, had I drowned, and was this what Heaven was like? Well, if it was, it had hardly been worth giving up sin so that we’d be let into it.

A woman in a nurse’s uniform peered down at me. She put her nose so close to my face, I thought she was going to kiss me. Suddenly, she pulled back, as if she’d seen a ghost. The next thing, she went racing out the door screaming like a banshee.

“Dr. Taylor!” she called, “Dr. Taylor, she’s awake! It’s a miracle!”

I wondered, was she astray in the head?

I began to think I must be in a hospital. Nurses and doctors, walls the color of piss and bright, bare light bulbs—surely that was where I was. I sniffed. The smell of disinfectant nearly choked me. How had I landed here? I sat halfway up in bed and glanced down at myself in horror. I was half naked under a sheet. Where were my clothes? And my shoes? I had a sudden notion I might be in prison. But what had I done? My head began to throb, and I lay back down and closed my eyes.

“Can you hear me, miss?”

A man’s voice roused me, although he was almost whispering. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was an older man with silver hair and wore a white coat. He smiled down at me.