I told Robert goodbye and sauntered back to the cabin, humming softly to myself. A mild sadness suddenly came over me, and I stopped humming. I stood at the cabin door without opening it; I wanted to be alone with my thoughts for a moment. Part of me wanted to curse Robert for bringing me up there—even though, to be fair, I was the one who’d egged him on. Because now that I’d got a taste of the grand life the toffs had, the more I wanted that for myself. After all, Ma had always said that’s where I belonged. I said a prayer that Mr. O’Hanlon would give me a crack at a life like that.

Delia

Delia

It was the last full day of our voyage. Tomorrow we would dock in New York and our lives would change, maybe forever. Our days on the Titanic had been like floating in limbo, suspended between the old world and the new. The joyous excitement in steerage had been infectious. Promises to meet up in New York had been made, handshakes sealing vows of new friendships; secret kisses stolen in the hidden nooks of F deck; small mementos exchanged between new lovers; and, tonight, music and dancing would raise the rafters in final celebration. Tomorrow, cries of “Good luck, now!” would echo across the docks as the young pilgrims strode down the gangplanks and into a new world.

Up until now, I had not let myself think about the future. I’d been afraid my dream would evaporate. Now, I allowed myself to finally believe that fortune had indeed smiled on me. Here I was, almost in New York, and my dreams were about to become a reality, though along with my new optimism came fear. The frightening prospect of landing in the middle of a world of strangers filled my mind. What would the “good Catholic family,” as Da had called them, really be like? How would I find my way around the streets? Would I get lost? Would people be kind to me? With every new question I felt myself growing more and more anxious. Gone now were the fantasies I had made up about stepping out bravely to embrace faraway adventures. This was no fantasy; this was real.

The cabin walls began to close in around me. I had to get out. I shut the door behind me and hurried up to F deck, my breathing ragged. As I stood leaning over the railing, looking out at the horizon, my trembling eased, and I took several deep breaths. Then I looked up at the sky and made a vow to God. Whatever awaits me, I whispered, I will face it with courage. I will not squander this chance you have given me at happiness.