i feel like a papercut that never stops bleeding,

a rifle discharging into a thicket

named after your brother.

in my head we have more than a bedroom

and some unfinished letters to our legacy.

i rewrite our boring, unremarkable memories

and turn us into a fairytale.

the reality is that i still think of you as bandaid and ointment

when you’re closer to emaciated animal

or beaten path to elsewhere.

this was never supposed to be a metaphor for anything.

i just wanted to love you. i tried so hard to do it right.

ROUTINE MAINTENANCE

Which grief can I live with today? I’ve barely been

awake five minutes when the question arrives,

tail tucked between its legs, waiting for an answer.

This is what I’ve learned

after months of meandering between melancholies:

it’s easier to lick the wounds of a battered heart

than it is to raise someone from the dead.

LINGUISTICS

in a language that doesn’t have the word ‘love’ I say,

“the receipt from the film we watched on our first date

is still tacked on my bulletin board.” I say, “I bought

four red sweaters after you told me your favorite

color.” I say, “it’s been exactly two hundred and

twelve days since our last kiss.” I say, “last week, in a

hotel room, the complimentary shampoo was the

same kind that you use.” I say, “I walked around

smelling like you and nobody else cried over it.” I say,

“yes, I’m still crying over it.” I say, “the other day a

stranger’s phone sang with the same noise you used

for your alarm and it took me all day to figure out

where I knew it from.” I say, “I’m terrified of

someday not knowing where I knew it from.” I say,

“every poem I’ve written lately is about the same

thing.” I say, “I’d almost give up writing altogether if

it meant we could try again.” I say “please,” I say

“please,” I say

“please”

TITLES FOR FUTURE BREAKUP POEMS

1.Earth, Wind & Fire Wrote A Song About Your Birthday

2.It’s September And I’m Feeling Sentimental About Your Liver

3.It’s Nowhere Near September And Your Name Is Not A Song

4.WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CALL THIS WHAT IT WAS

5.Can I Call Someone “Mine” If They Never Understood Me?

6.If I Called…

7.If I Called Would You Remember The Words?

8.You Were My First Everything And I Want Them All Back

9.Everyone Likes Me Better When I’m Not Talking About You & I Don’t Blame Them (Or You)

10.Do I Really Need To Write Another Poem Where We Break Up?

11.What If I Left Us Open To Interpretation?

12.I Think Of You On September 21st, And On Days That Are Not September 21st