small and kind, refusing to name the creatures she

feeds — and by morning,

bathed in gold and needy light,

it’s gone.

NASA DIDN’T FIND A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE TIME RUNS BACKWARDS

but, for a moment, I allow myself to believe they did.

My clean birth in a king-sized bed followed, decades

later, by a swift death, sliding heels first into a full

stomach, screaming the entire way down. Like a

calendar on a wall I carry my history

with a thumbtack through the heart,

shoulder the weight of each moment until I set it down

and never pick it up again.

In this universe I leave with nothing, not even a

memory. I am sick with not knowing.

We aren’t so different, my parallel universe self and I.

Our love pouring from the faucet before it’s sucked

back up. Our poems erasing themselves line by line

into blank pages and then into trees, branches severing

the blue sky like a knife. This is the price you pay for

writing a life — you must play witness to a wound

sealing itself up, just to be reopened with a

ballpoint pen.

When I blink for the first time, inhale my first breath,

there aren’t many things I can say with utmost

certainty, but I know this much is true:

I have a voice that sings louder than grief. So I do.

NOTES

“Lies” was written after Yena Sharma Purmasir’s “Things That Aren’t True,” published in [Dis]Connected: Poems & Stories of Connection and Otherwise.

“Possible Titles For Future Breakup Poems” references lyrics from “September” by Earth, Wind & Fire.

“I Reenact ‘The Last Five Years’ In My Kitchen Instead Of Going To Therapy” refers to the musical by Jason Robert Brown, and borrows both characters and imagery from it.

“Nick Carraway Wakes In The Middle Of The Night And Reaches For A Pen” refers to a character from The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and borrows imagery from that novel. “Benjamin Button” also borrows its title from a Fitzgerald character.

“Nesting Doll” had a wonderful home prior to this one, with Rust + Moth.

“Numb Recollections” has italicized lyrics from the song “Can’t Feel My Face” by The Weeknd.

“Anxiety As Inheritance” was written after ideas explored in Søren Kierkegaard’s The Concept Of Anxiety.

“Saying Your Names” was written after Richard Siken’s poem of the same name, in his collection Crush.

“The Artist Paints A Favorable Portrait of Jack Torrance” and “Wendy Torrance Practices Revisionist History” both borrow characters, themes, and images from Stephen King’s The Shining.

“The Anxiety Speaks” was written after “The Mania Speaks” by Jeanann Verlee.

“Dolly Cries During The Movie” refers to The Bridges Of Madison County (1995).

“Penelope” borrows images from Homer’s The Odyssey.

“Self Portrait As Frankenstein’s Monster” was inspired by Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.