‘No!’ Leah shouts. ‘You’re wrong. I know you want to protect him but this isn’t the way. It isn’t. There is good in the world. Kindness. Love. We teach Archie all of those things. We can show him all of those things and he’ll have a good life. A long life.’

‘What do you show him, Leah? Really? That you’re always looking over your shoulder. That it isn’t safe to touch anything without your skin being covered. That—’

Carly is stunned into silence by what happens next.

Chapter Seventy-Six

Leah

Now

I pull off my gloves and push up my sleeves before rubbing my bare hands over the earth. I smear the dirt over my arms, my face.

‘I don’t care about germs, really I don’t. It hasn’t ruined me. It hasn’t ruined us.’ Carly doesn’t respond and so I scoop up handfuls of soil and cram them into my mouth, trying not to retch as the earth clogs my throat. Trying to block out the thought of beetles scurrying down my windpipe, laying their eggs in my stomach, their babies bursting through my skin.

‘See.’ I try to speak but my words are muffled. I swallow hard. Something jagged tears at my throat. I think I’ve swallowed some glass but I don’t care. I lift another palmful and again stuff it inside my mouth. Feeling it coating my teeth, my gums. ‘It’s not too late. It’s never too late. Please, Carly, don’t hurt him.’

Carly cradles Archie’s head in her lap and pulls off her jumper while I am calculating if I should dive at her during the split second that her face is covered but my moment has passed. She rolls her jumper into a ball and holds it above Archie’s mouth.

‘Please.’ My heart is breaking. I scan the distance between us. If I lurch towards her she’ll have time to snatch the knife and plunge it into Archie’s small body. If he has to die, suffocation is the kinder death but I can’t let her do it. I just can’t. ‘Carly, don’t! You love him.’

‘Haven’t you been listening? It’s because I love him. The world is too cruel. Too awful. You should never have had a child. You know what can happen to children. We’re vulnerable.’ She begins to rock back and forth. ‘All these years. All these years, Leah, and I thought it was my fault. I haven’t been able to let it go. I haven’t got any friends. I haven’t got a family—’

‘We’re your family. Archie. George and me.’

‘George has been having an affair, Leah.’

‘What? No—’

‘Marie told me. See, people are bad. The world is bad. We’re better off somewhere else. Somewhere better.’

I hesitate. Is she right? I thought I could trust George, but then I trusted my mum. My dad. I trusted my twin. I glance at Archie. He is stirring. Do I really want to put him through all the pain I have felt? Am feeling.