I soak in the wisdom I didn’t expect to hear this morning and turn it around in my head, looking for flaws. I can’t find any.

“How’d you get to be so smart?”

“I’m almost ninety years old, and I live out here alone because I learned all that the hard way. Don’t do what I did. Don’t hang on to something that doesn’t matter so hard that you can’t let it go to reach out and grab what does.”

Is that what I’m doing? Holding on to the past so hard that I can’t grasp what’s happening in the here and now?

What happened a decade ago between Lincoln and me colors every moment of our present. We talked about a fresh start, and then everything went to hell moments later when we actually needed to communicate with each other about something important.

With the benefit of some distance and a little fortifying coffee, I think about this morning’s situation.

Did we both just overreact?

Lincoln’s words were most definitely an accusation . . . but from the way that article was written, how could he come to any other conclusion? Any outsider looking in would assume I was the one in charge of Ricky’s estate.

And Lincoln has been taught not to trust anyone.

“And the last piece of advice I got for you—if you think life is going to hand you nothing but shit to eat, that’s all you’re ever going to see on your plate. You gotta look for the good to recognize it, kid, or you’ll miss it completely.” Magnus points out the window and up at the sky. “I could see that blue sky, or I could focus on the one cloud hanging there. When you get to be my age, you don’t have time to let a few drops of rain ruin your entire day. It might be your last.”

He has a point. In my parents’ house, everyone was always looking for the bad. Probably so much that we missed out on a lot of the good. It’s a habit I’ve never truly broken.

Magnus whacks his mug down on the counter. “We got company.” He grabs the shotgun and makes it to the front door quicker than someone his age should be able to move.

“What are you—”

When he swings the door open and fires a few rounds into the air, I scream, spilling my coffee all over the floor. With my ears ringing, I stare at him like he’s lost his damned mind.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Magnus?”

He holds out the shotgun to me, barrel pointed up. “You want to take some potshots at the feller coming up the driveway? Bet you haven’t tried that yet.”

I peek out the window. Sure enough, Lincoln’s walking up the gravel drive with both hands over his head.

Ten

Whitney

The past

The whole world passed me by while I retreated into my fog where nothing felt real. Some days, I felt like I’d stepped outside my body and was watching life as a play while other people acted it out.