‘Have you met anyone else from Cold Hill Park yet?’ he asked them.

‘No, we haven’t. I don’t think there’s anyone else moved in yet.’

‘What about the house next door to you? The one opposite us – number thirty-four?’

‘That rather ghastly little house?’ Claudette said. ‘Mr P-W and I call it the Noddy House.’

‘Yes, that one.’

‘There’s nobody there,’ she said. ‘I can’t imagine who would want to buy it.’

‘I’ve seen a family there,’ Jason said.

‘Probably viewing,’ Maurice said. ‘I must say it will be a lot jollier when the estate’s fully occupied.’

‘Well, all I can say is that whoever has bought it can have absolutely no taste whatsoever,’ Claudette declared.

It was nearly two hours later before the Penze-Weedells, having requested and been given a full tour of the house, put on their coats, making all kinds of appreciative comments and issuing invitations for Christmas morning drinks, New Year’s Day drinks and an insistence Emily and Jason come to dinner early in the New Year.

As they watched the tipsy couple make their way across the road, Jason turned, quizzically, to his wife.

She closed the front door. ‘Jesus! I didn’t think they were ever going to leave.’

‘But, darling, they are People Like One.’

‘Yeah, right. If I’m ever like either of them, take me out and shoot me.’

‘It’ll be too late – I’ll already have committed hara-kiri.’

‘They are just awful. I don’t ever want to endure another evening like that!’

‘Me neither; at least we can have some peace and quiet for a few hours.’

As he said it, there was a loud bang upstairs.

16

Saturday 15 December

Jason and Emily spun around.

‘What was that?’ she asked.

He ran out and up the stairs to the first floor and switched on the landing lights. The doors to their bedroom, and all three of the spare rooms, were ajar. He frowned and checked each of the rooms, but could see nothing amiss.

As he went back down, Emily was carrying glasses through to the kitchen. He followed her in and saw to his surprise that the green light was glowing on the command box, and the television was on: an advert showing a car racing up a twisting road.

‘I couldn’t see anything. Maybe it was a bird striking a window. Or something on the television.’

She looked at the command box. ‘I thought we’d left that thing switched off?’

‘I’m sure we did.’ Testing it, he said, ‘Command, dim kitchen lights.’

Instantly, they faded.

Testing it further, he said, ‘Command, switch on induction hob ring four.’

He heard a faint whirr from the electric hob.

‘Command, switch off induction hob. Brighten lights.

The whirring sound ceased, and the lights brightened.

‘And turn our neighbours across the road into frogs,’ he muttered under his breath.

Emily laughed. Then, more seriously, she asked, ‘Do we need it? Can’t we just throw the bloody thing away?’

‘I think it’s just a question of getting it sorted, Em. It could be really useful – I’ll read through the instructions tomorrow and see what’s what.’