‘Mr Danes,’ she murmured back, pleasurably. ‘Are you trying to seduce me?’

‘No, I’m not trying,’ he said as his fingers explored deeper. ‘I am seducing you.’

‘Let’s go upstairs.’

‘No, here!’

She jerked her head at the window. ‘They can see us!’

‘Great – let’s give them a real show then!’

‘No.’

‘Yes.’

‘No!’

‘Yes!’ He tugged her jeans down over her buttocks.

‘Jason, no, upstairs! You’re wicked! Our neighbours can bloody see!’

‘So what?’ He pulled her, gently, down onto the large, white sofa, kissing her and probing away her objections with his fingers. She tugged hard at his T-shirt, pulling it over his head, then began to work on his flies.

6

Friday 14 December

‘Maurice, I just cannot believe it. They’re behaving like animals.’

Her husband was beaming. ‘Just like you and I used to.’

‘Hmmph.’

He looked at her with a gleam in his eyes. ‘Why don’t we – you know – pop upstairs?’

‘What? It’s only six o’clock in the evening.’

‘So, my love? The time of day never bothered you, once.’ He put his arms, clumsily, around her and tried to nuzzle her ear, but all he got was a faceful of stiff, lacquered hair, before she shoved him away.

‘Stop it! I have to watch Strictly Come Dancing on catch-up. What’s got into you?’

‘You can watch it later, or another time.’

‘Why would I want to do that? Just so you can have your wicked way?’

‘I…’

‘Yes?’

‘I thought it might be nice,’ he said, meekly.

‘Did you? Well, I think Strictly would be a lot nicer.’ She waddled into the kitchen in her pink pom-pom slippers, opened a cupboard and removed an extra-large Christmas-special tub of Quality Street chocolates. She carried it into the lounge, settled into the massive sofa, put her feet up on a pouffe, and called out, ‘Television, BBC iPlayer!’ then she added, ‘Please.’

Even after weeks of living here, she hadn’t fully got her head around giving voice commands to operate just about everything in the house, from the bedroom curtains to all the kitchen appliances.

The wall-mounted television was disguised as a mirror in a gilded frame, either side of which were two marble columns topped with busts of gold angels. She repeated the instruction, starting with the word ‘command’. As the show appeared, she popped off the lid of the tub and rustled through the contents until, with a happy smile, she found a red and black Strawberry Delight. Her favourite! She unwrapped it, popped it in her mouth and chewed happily as the show started. So happily, that a minute later she was foraging for another. A shadow passed the door to the hall.

‘Maurice!’ she called out, sharply.

‘Yes, dear?’ he peered in, dressed in an overcoat and woolly hat.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Just popping out for my constitutional.’

‘I hope you’re not going to have a sneaky cigarette?’

‘Of course not. Just some fresh air.’ His voice rose a few octaves and he avoided eye contact. She had learned many years ago these were both signs that he was fibbing.