‘YOU ARE NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE HAVE SUNG THE NATIONAL ANTHEM TOGETHER AS AN ACT OF RECONCILIATION AND GOODWILL.’

Tommy went down on bended knee so that he was looking directly into the faces of the mice. He started to sing in the fullest volume he could muster:

‘GOD SAVE OUR GRACIOUS QUEEN, LONG LIVE OUR NOBLE QUEEN, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN… COME ON, YOU TWO. HELP ME OUT HERE. WE ALL LOVE THIS BIT,’ commanded Tommy as he started to bang his fist on their table.

‘NA NA NA NA, SEND HER VICTORIOUS, HAPPY AND GLORIOUS…’

Mrs Mouse started to sing along, doubtless fearful of Tommy’s bulging eyes and the physicality of his fist thumping.

‘… LONG TO REIGN OVER US, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.’

After a few beats of silence and intense staring between the three, Tommy broke the impasse:

‘VERY NICE, VERY NICE INDEED, DARLING, AND I THINK YOU’LL AGREE A FITTING END TO YOUR MEAL. NOW FUCK OFF OUT OF HERE.’

They got up in silence. Tommy insisted that the whole of the restaurant give them a round of applause as they left.

Tommy lived in the top-floor flat above the restaurant. Swanky and modern with leather sofas and a huge TV. At the end of every evening certain customers would be invited up there to continue the fun. I soon became one of these privileged few. The drink and drugs were free as far as I could tell. It was Tommy’s way of buying company and admiration. I thought he was the King of Brighton, more like a movie star than a restaurateur. I couldn’t help fancying him. He didn’t seem to care one way or the other about anything. He was shaping his own world and I was lucky to be part of it. We started sleeping with each other and more often than not I would wake up in his chrome-detailed king-size bed. I didn’t love him, but I loved the life he offered. I was happy.

About a year into this lifestyle, we were partying as usual in Tommy’s flat when in walked Pete with a couple of friends. He was maturing nicely and was even more gorgeous than I remembered. He had moved on from his leather jacket and was wearing a vintage brown corduroy suit and army boots. A very strong look on a thin man. Once his friends had moved away, I sidled up and sat beside him. I was excited and more than partially smitten. ‘Hi, Pete. How are you doing?’ I asked.

‘Emily! What are you doing here?’

‘I work here. This is my workplace where my living is earned.’

‘No way. Do your parents know?’

‘I suppose so. I haven’t seen either of them for ages. They split up after I left home. Mum lives in Leicester now with her dozy sister.’

‘Just how dozy is this sister?’

‘Very, if in fact not totally.’