The receptionist, Sophie, knew me from our work contact and asked me to take a seat while she asked Mr McCoy if he was free for a chat. I have never met John McCoy, but have been told that he is quite a serious bit of kit. Someone you don’t cross, someone who will bite your arse if you shit on his lawn. I was surprised, therefore, when he emerged from one of the offices, to see a rather frail bloke of short stature. A good two inches below the national average height was my guess. He wore a light blue polyester shirt with its sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a pair of baggy dark blue jeans held up with a pair of purple braces. There was a sense of thinness about him. Thin arms, thin face with a thin sharp nose and thinning hair, combed back close to his head with some sort of product. The skin was starting to droop on his jowls and his forehead was heavily lined. There was a certain air of menace about him, delivered mostly via his piercing watery blue eyes. They were too close together for my liking and lacked any hint of emotion or empathy. On the plus side, his dentist had given him the smile of a twenty-year-old and he smelt like a supermodel’s handbag. He beckoned me into his office and we sat either side of his desk. The first thing I noticed was that there was what looked like a gun of the pistol type on the desk in front of him.

‘Is that a gun you’ve got there?’ I asked.

‘Yes.’

‘A real one?’

‘What do you think?’

I picked up the gun and was surprised by its weight and heft. It looked and felt real, but surely it wasn’t.

‘Probably not. You wouldn’t have a real gun in the office, and if you did, you wouldn’t let me see it.’

‘Well, then, you’ve got nothing to worry about, have you? Now, how can I help you, Gary? And let me say that if this goes over five minutes I’ll have to bill you for my time.’

‘Well, that’s better than being shot,’ I said with a hopeful smile on my face.

‘Exactly,’ he replied, without even a hint of lightness in his voice.

‘You seem very busy. I didn’t realize this was such a big operation.’

‘Never been busier. I’m taking on new staff all the time. Insurance fraud, commercial fraud, IT security, rent arrears enforcement, evictions and surveillance – fuckloads of surveillance. I tell you, Gary, the world has gone crackers and we are cleaning up.’

‘That’s great, nice to see a business thriving around here. So, yeah, I’ve just come to ask after Brendan. His phone has been disconnected so I can’t get hold of him. Suppose I just wanted to check he’s okay?’