As usual, Lassoo took his own sweet time and then livened up when we reached the play area. I let him off his lead to attend to his business. As he left, my squirrel mate leapt onto the little wall at the play area entrance.

‘Alright, mate?’ I enquired to myself.

‘Yeah, not too bad when I think around that question,’ I replied on his behalf.

‘Your tail isn’t so fluffery buffery today. You had a rough night?’

‘Maybe you shouldn’t be pointing that out, not knowing what state my mind is in. Maybe I’m worried about you. Did you consider that as a possibility before having a snipe at me? I don’t think you did. Am I right?’

‘Yeah, you’re right. Sorry about that.’

‘So, this girl that walked out on you, I hear you’ve seen her again. So what’s the situation with her?’

‘Nothing doing really. I’ve no right to think she should feel the same as me just because we had a chat in a pub.’

‘Don’t believe you. You hate it that she doesn’t seem interested, but what you hate more around it is that you don’t think you can make her like you.’

‘No, you’re wrong. I’m not playing that game with her. She isn’t interested in me and I’m okay with that.’

‘So what game are you playing? You wouldn’t talk to me unless you had something on your mind.’

‘Honestly, mate, I will have forgotten her in a couple of days. I’ve got other matters to address.’

‘Liar.’

‘You are,’ I replied.

‘No, you are,’ responded the squirrel as it jumped off the wall and disappeared into the distance.

I noticed that Lassoo was in the throes of a deposit and once again I didn’t have any pooping bags for a clear-up. I walked over to him and went through the charade of miming the collection of the dirt. As I was doing so, I looked up to see Detectives Cowley and Wilmott approaching me.

‘Hello, Gary,’ said Cowley. ‘What are you up to? Not burying something you don’t want us to see, I hope?’

‘No, just cleaning up after my dog.’

‘What, with your bare hands? That’s disgusting,’ chirped in Wilmott.

‘No, of course not. I just realized I didn’t bring any bags out with me so I thought I’d have a look at the thing and see if it looked like a dissolver.’

‘They all dissolve, Gary, unless of course the dog has been eating plastics or grit. I didn’t know you had a dog, Gary,’ enquired Cowley.

‘No, I don’t, I’m just walking my next-door neighbour’s dog for her. She’s got crumbly bones and finds it difficult sometimes. Listen, do you mind if I ask to see your ID? You know, just for formality’s sake. I don’t mean anything by it.’