‘Bet you’ve never even tried it. Do you want a sip?’

‘Nah, it’s not for me.’

‘Come on, when was the last time you tried it without milk? Things have moved on. These new blends are designed to taste good without milk.’

I raised the cup up to the window, making sure to cover my open flies with my left hand as I did so.

‘It’s a bit lukewarm but that’s how these new teas are meant to be enjoyed. Go on, have a sip.’

‘Alright, go on then.’

He retrieved the cup from my hand and started to raise it to his lips. Shit, he’s actually going to drink it. I came to my senses.

‘Actually mate, on second thoughts you shouldn’t try it. I popped a couple of magnesium tablets in there and they can cause a bit of a reaction if you’re not used to them.’

He handed the cup back to me.

‘That’s a shame, it smelt delicious; bit pungent, but I like a lot of depth to my brews. That’s the problem with herbal teas, they’re usually a bit pissy. Anyway, what’s the name of this woman? I know most of the people on this part of the estate.’

‘It’s okay, I’ll just give her a ring, I should have done that before I got here. Thanks though.’

‘No worries. Don’t hang around though, like I say, this is resident parking only.’

As he walked away, I feigned making a phone call then started up the engine. A squirrel appeared on the lowest branch of a sycamore tree to my right.

‘Alright, mate?’ I asked him to myself.

‘Not too bad, Gary. I hear you’ve been having a piss in your car just now.’

‘Yeah, stupid of me. Don’t know why I do shit like that.’

‘You want to think around what conclusions people might come to if they saw what you were doing. Why do you do nonsense like that?’

‘I don’t really know. I mean, I was desperate if that helps.’

‘I’ll tell you why, Gary, because you don’t give a care about what people think about you. You don’t care enough about anyone to consider it important.’

‘No, I don’t think it’s that, mate. I reckon it’s because I’m always bending over myself to be someone that people like and, sometimes, I get the urge to do something that feels liberating to me. Yes, I feel terrible now, absolutely mortified if the truth be known, but at least it felt like I was living a little.’

‘Well, you want to think about what sort of bloke has that inside him by way of motivation.’

‘Maybe I will one day.’

‘Yeah, maybe you will.’

‘I’m full of regret if that helps.’

‘No, not really.’