I threw the book back onto the passenger seat and poked around in my door pocket to remind myself of its contents. There were numerous empty sugar sachets and wooden coffee stirrers, an old mint humbug that has escaped from its transparent wrapper and become stuck to a five-pence piece, and a little plastic bottle of nasal spray. I started to unpick the wrapper from the sweet but my nails just clogged up with sticky goo. I took one of the coffee stirring sticks and split it down the middle so that I could use it as a nail pick. It works well and I am seriously pleased about that. I turned on the car radio; it’s tuned in to talkSPORT. They were talking about a boxing match in which one of the boxers hit the other boxer so hard that he fell to the floor. After that revelation an advert for a company that can supply 12mm plasterboard at the drop of a hat started playing. It crossed my mind that if you were to carry a 4ft by 4ft piece of 12mm plasterboard with you everywhere you went you would quickly be considered something of a character. Maybe Satsuma would have taken me more seriously.

I changed to a channel that was playing something that might be described as ‘smooth jazz’. It fit the setting well. I lowered the back of my seat and had a good old listen to divert my attention away from the folly of this expedition. Parp parp parp, dum dum dum parp insisted the music, and then the trumpet kicked in like a slow pour from a jug of thick gravy.

It dawned on me that I really needed a piss. There was no obvious place to relieve myself outside of the car. Beside me in the central console was my takeaway coffee cup. It was a medium coffee so I guessed it held just over half a pint. That might just be the exact capacity I’m looking for. I checked my surroundings. There was no direct eye line into the car from the block behind me. The block to my left was too far away for anyone to get a clear view inside the car. The two ground-floor flats to my right would be able to see my upper half but not anything below the window line. The only person I could see was Boiler Suit Man, and he seemed fully absorbed in his windscreen shenanigans. It’s worth a shot, I thought, even if it’s just for the thrill of it.