I was relieved that they had gone. I noticed that I had a sweat on, so took a series of deep breaths and had a nice relaxing stare out of the window towards the high street to calm my mind. I thought about poor Brendan. It was hard to believe that I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

He did me a big favour once, for which I was very grateful. As part of my job I did the occasional house purchase or sale for clients, although I would only be given the very straightforward cases that were really no more than form-filling exercises. Unfortunately, in one particular case I forgot to get the client to sign a very important document – namely, the actual mortgage deed. In effect, this would have meant that the client was under no obligation to actually pay the mortgage. Great for him, but for the firm it would have meant them being sued for the total amount of the mortgage by the building society, and for me it would have meant a certain sacking. I needed to get that form signed without arousing any suspicion from the house purchasers. It was too risky to admit the mistake to any of my bosses at work, so I had a quick chat to Brendan about it.

‘Ha ha, you’ve fouled up good and proper, you slack bastard – ha ha ha!’

‘Yeah, I know that, Brendan, but what do you think I should do? You’re a bit of a seat-of-your-pants kind of bloke, can’t you think of something? You’ve got to help me out here or I’ll lose my job. I’ll be out on the streets like a prick.’

‘What building society is it?’

‘The Leeds Permanent.’

‘And what do money men in Leeds dress like, fucking dungarees or summat? Ha ha ha!’

‘I don’t know, maybe a trilby and a macintosh? Why do you ask?’

‘Because it’s simple. I go round to this house looking all formal and say I’m from the building society. I butter them up and ask how they’re settling in, are they happy with the service offered, are there any other services we can offer them, and then get them to sign the document as what I will call the “final formality”. They won’t have a clue what they’re signing, believe me. Punters just want to get rid of you asap – ha ha ha!’

And that is exactly what he did. He borrowed a macintosh and a trilby from his dad and got the thing signed. I could have hugged him till he bled. I did him a free-of-charge will and a cheap conveyance when he moved house in return.