‘I can get his charges dropped with just one phone call to the forensics lab,’ announces Peterson. ‘My bloke there will provide a lab report confirming that the substance found in his car was not cocaine or any other controlled drug.’

‘Well, I would like you to do that now, please.’

McCoy gives Peterson the nod and he leaves the office, hopefully to attend to obtaining the report.

‘I’ve got a bone to pick with you, Gary,’ says McCoy. ‘I’ve got a new client called Mr Holdsworth. Do you know him?’

‘No, I don’t think so. Should I?’

‘What if I told you his neighbour is Albanian and that, according to Holdsworth, this neighbour likes to fanny about in Holdsworth’s attic of an evening?’

‘No, that still doesn’t ring a bell.’

‘Come off it, Gary. You sent him here as what I would call an act of petty revenge, just to fuck about with my office. Do you realize that he is here every day when we arrive and that he’s already lodged complaints against us with the local fucking MP. Worse than that, he’s had the local coppers on to us claiming that Tommy assaulted him when he was being forcibly removed from the premises. Now, thankfully, DI Peterson should be able to look after that for us, but if it seems that I am not giving you the fairest of treatment here, Gary, then you can put that partially down to you gifting us the menace that is Mr Henry fucking Holdsworth.’

I’m pleased that I have caused McCoy some inconvenience, but that’s tempered by the knowledge that McCoy and Peterson are fully in control of my destiny. I look at the glass-fronted display cabinet behind McCoy’s head and notice a strange collection of seemingly unrelated items on display. There are beer glasses, ashtrays, two or three opened packs of cigarettes, a walking stick handle, three paper coffee cups and two china teacups, a door handle, various items of cutlery, a glue gun, a parking ticket and lots of other similar tat.

‘What’s with the stuff in the cabinet? Do you collect tat or something?’ I enquire.

‘That is not tat, son. That is memorabilia from some of the more interesting cases we’ve worked on – little golden nuggets my people have gathered for lifting fingerprint and DNA samples. We do a lot of evidence gathering for our friend DI Peterson, and it’s a lot easier for us to obtain it illegally than it is for the police to go through all the official channels. Mainly, though, it’s just for identification.’

‘Does Peterson use it to frame people and bribe witnesses, that sort of thing?’

‘No comment.’