I left my flat around 7pm with a spring in my step and my stomach pleasantly excited at the thought of seeing Emily. I made my way over to the play area and buried the corn cob dongle in a muddy crack at the base of the plinth that had once supported the see-saw. As I stood there assessing the quality of the interment, my squirrel mate hopped up onto the plinth and gave me the once-over.

‘Hold your horses, mate, what’s with the fancy clobber?’ I asked myself on his behalf.

‘Just going to the pub. What’s it to you anyway?’ I replied.

‘What’s with the attitude? And why are you hiding things? You got some scheme on the go?’

‘I’m meeting Emily. You know, the girl from the pub.’

‘Whoa, you want to think around that for a decent period, mate. You’ve just found out she’s shacked up with that Tommy bloke and you intend to show her your face?’

‘Well, yeah, I mean, he’s not going to be there, is he?’

‘Isn’t he? Maybe she’s just luring you out so he can confront you. A bloke like that isn’t going to rest until he’s given you a good kicking. Have you thought around that?’

‘I think she might have left him, so it’s got to be worth a punt. If he is there and he kicks me in then at least it’s over and done with.’

‘Nah, if you nick his woman off him, he’ll make your life a misery. It’s not worth it. Sorry to have to say, but that is what it is.’

‘Well, I’ll sit in the other bar for a while and make sure she’s on her own.’

‘Sure you will. Have you thought around whether she’s just been sent by John McCoy to butter you up and keep an eye on you?’

‘Yes, I have, and I think I would be able to suss that out pretty quickly.’

‘You going to tell her about that dongle you just buried? I bet you’ve thought around that and decided it might be a bit risky.’

‘Of course, and I’m not going to mention it. Listen, I just want to see her and find out what the situation is with Tommy and hear what she has to say about McCoy. If it seems dodgy then I’ll run a mile, and that’s a promise.’

‘I hope you are not making promises to yourself that you can’t keep. I promised myself that I would stop bothering the lady squirrel with the long eyelashes but I keep giving her my nuts and as you can probably see I’m getting dangerously thin. I wouldn’t want to see you waste away.’

‘Whatever the outcome, mate, I will still be eating pie, don’t you worry about that.’