Becca closed her eyes, leaning her head on Christian’s chest, finally letting her tears fall. She thought about Robbie and how he was never able to ask for help and that eventually the darkness consumed him. She didn’t want that to happen to her.

“You were never this wise when we were married,” Becca said through her tears.

“What can I say? I found a good therapist.”

Becca laughed, looking up at Christian’s slight smile. She wanted to push him away, but everything he said made sense. This was the same thing she would tell her own patients. She didn’t want to fight with him anymore. She just wanted to stop hurting and being angry and feeling so goddamn helpless. “I could reach out to Dr. Atterman. I saw him after… after everything happened,” Becca said reluctantly. After the incident with the pills, Nina insisted she find a therapist. She spent almost a year and a half with him, sitting in his Silver Lake office, telling him everything, about her divorce and Ash and all the rest. She knew he would be able to help her through this.

“Give me his number. I’ll call him. See when he might be able to get you in.”

She thought about putting it off. She could see him later, once things with Ash were more stable. Of course stable was relative. Ash would need therapy and counseling, and emotional support. She wasn’t waiting for the right moment. She was deflecting. If she really wanted to be there for Ash, she had to show up for herself. Becca reached for her phone. “I’m sending you his number,” Becca said, forwarding the contact to Christian. “While you do that, I ‘d like to see Ash.”

“Sure thing. I’ll be here for as long as you need me,” Christian said.

Becca nodded gratefully and headed toward the ICU entrance. Christian called after her.

“Keep the faith, Becs. This isn’t over.”

She wanted his words to comfort her, but he was wrong. It was over. Ash and Nate were hospitalized; most of the Tribe was dead. After all the terrible pain and suffering she’d inflicted, Mo was still free. It wasn’t fair or just, but even Becca understood when it was time to walk away. As she made her way to Ash’s room, the chorus of their favorite country song played in her head. You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.

BECCA

BECCA

Becca hovered at the entrance of Ash’s room, relieved to find her sleeping peacefully, her father dozing in the chair beside Ash’s bed. She glanced at the monitor, and was pleased to see Ash’s vitals were improving. Rafi sensed Becca’s arrival and stirred, offering her a tired smile.

“There you are. I was starting to worry. Did Nina and Christian find you?” Rafi asked.