Ordinarily, Becca would have been annoyed, the two of them talking like she wasn’t even there. Those disagreements seemed pointless now. Becca hugged Nina. “I’ll be okay,” she said, wanting to believe that.

“I know you will,” Nina said. “Call me, okay? No matter what time. No matter what… what happens.” Becca pulled away, hating the tears that were staining Nina’s cheeks. Eight years riding side by side, witnessing the worst humanity could inflict on one another, eight years celebrating Thanksgiving and New Years and birthdays together, and this was the first time she’d ever seen her partner cry. This was bad, Becca thought. This was really bad. For a second, she wanted nothing more than to crawl back under the covers. She could stay here in this hospital, go back to the hospital bed, and pull up the covers.

“You ready?” Christian asked gently. There was no hiding from the truth. If this was Ash, Becca would find out sooner or later. She had to see this through. She steeled herself.

“Let’s go,” Becca said. She didn’t look back at Nina, afraid she might lose her nerve.

Ten minutes later, they were speeding down the 101 when Becca’s phone buzzed. Your Mama’s got your room ready and Freud is waiting for you. We’re here whenever you need us. Stay strong, mija. We’re praying for you and our girl.

Becca bit back her tears. No doubt Nina had phoned her parents the second Becca left the hospital. That’s what she loved about her friend—she could always count on Nina to handle things.

Christian cleared his throat. “Becs, there’s something else I have to tell you,” Christian began.

She glanced over at him. “Is it going to make any of this easier?” she asked.

“No. But it’s something you should know…”

“If it’s not urgent, can it wait? I’m barely hanging on as it is and my head is pounding. I just need… I need quiet right now.”

Christian didn’t hesitate. “Not talking it is,” he said. This time Becca took his hand. She needed this now, the familiarity of his touch. The déjà vu was overpowering, the sense of total loss engulfing her. Sometimes, Becca couldn’t believe Christian wasn’t part of her life anymore. For so long he was her everything. Even now, some mornings she woke up and reached for him. She was a kid when they met, barely twenty-one. She’d been so pissed the night he pulled her over. Becca had spent hours cramming for finals, and she was heading home from the library in the early morning hours when she saw police lights in her rearview mirror. Exhausted, she couldn’t help herself, unleashing her frustration on the baby-faced policeman.

“What the hell is wrong? I wasn’t speeding. I didn’t change lanes or do anything illegal. I’m just going home.”