Joy sits up, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. She tries to center herself, to focus on what she knows she needs to say next and ignore the small nagging voice in her heart demanding she do the opposite. It has to be this way. It’s time. She reclines against the back of the couch angling her head toward him. “Does knowing how I feel make you want to change your mind now?”

Malcolm’s answer is immediate. “No. Summer and I are—it’s good. Really good.”

“Then it doesn’t matter.” Joy shakes her head. “You wanted to know and now you do.”

“But this whole time? Really? Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Because I thought the same thing. You didn’t want me.” Joy laughs despite the situation. “In the souvenir shop, you told me I could talk to you. Is that offer still open?”

“Always.”

Joy collects every scrap of bravery she has within her and says, “I think you’re making the right choice. I think—I hope—Summer is the right choice. Because it’s not me. I know that now. I’ve held on to you for so long, so, so long, because I truly believed you were all I was ever meant to have. No one would ever love me or understand me the way that you do.

“I don’t think I’m particularly hard to love.” There’s a wet warmth building behind her eyes, an ache burning through her throat and jaw. “But sometimes I feel like no one will ever want me. Not forever. No one will ever see me beyond how they can use me. No one will ever want me because of the way I am. I’m weird and needy and dark-skinned and asexual. I guess I convinced myself that if it wasn’t you, it would never be anyone.”

“That’s not true, Joy.”

“Yeah, well, it feels like it is.” Joy wipes her nose with her sleeve. “I think I knew, deep down, that it wasn’t ever going to work between us. We don’t even want the same things out of life. I just—I just couldn’t let you go. And I think you knew how alone and unlovable I felt. That’s why you stayed with me. Because that’s who you are.”

“Actually, I stayed because I felt that way too. I just kept dating while you didn’t.” He scoff-laughs. “How are we perfect and all wrong for each other at the same time?”

“I don’t know,” Joy admits, and Grace’s words come back to her. “I don’t want to live without you, but I think I have to for a while.”

“I don’t.” Malcolm looks stricken. “Being apart won’t solve anything.”