“Deal.” Joy laughs, snuggling closer to him. She rests her head back against the fabric, lids beginning to feel heavy again. Not even five minutes ago, she had felt wide awake and ravenous, but now the sleep that’s been avoiding her seems to want a truce. Yawning, she says, “I really can’t get over how clear the skies are here.”

“On nights when there’s no moon, you can’t even see an inch in front of your face.”

“No thanks. I’ll stay indoors, then.” Joy laughs.

In the eerie quiet, Joy listens to Fox’s breathing, closing her eyes and searching for comfort in the sound, in the rise and fall of his chest.

“When she asked me if I loved her, I said yes. Of course I did.”

She? Joy opens her eyes, immediately frowning. Damn, she fell asleep again.

“She said to prove it, and I had no idea what the hell she was talking about because I proved it every day. I was there—we moved in together, we shared everything, I took care of her. We were building a life together. How was I supposed to prove I loved her if that wasn’t enough?”

Joy tries to be still, scared to make a sound or even breathe too hard and distract him. He’s not talking to Joy. He’s thinking out loud for her. At the winery she asked him if he’s ever been in love and he’s answering now. Why?

“She asked how that was different than how I treat Fiona or Summer. I said I don’t have sex with my sister, and she rightly shot back with ‘So you love me because you can have sex with me?’ I didn’t know what to say, because of course that wasn’t true, so I didn’t say anything. She said, ‘You’re not in love with me, Fox. You never tell me that you love me. You just care about me enough to convince yourself that you are.’ The last thing she ever said to me was ‘I hope you find someone who makes you see the difference someday.’ ”

Joy isn’t sure if Fox is finished so she continues to hold still, keeping her breathing even.

“I’m sorry I waited until you were asleep to answer you.”

He thinks she’s asleep! Oh lord . . .

Fox turns his head, resting his cheek against her forehead. “You were right. It’s hard for me to talk about myself like that out loud. But I wanted to tell you. You’re always so honest with me. You make me wish I could do the same.”

God, romance isn’t easy for anyone. Still pretending, Joy grabs hold of his shirt and snuggles closer to him. She breathes in deeply, as if she were sleeping, and exhales into a sigh.

Nineteen

SUNDAY