KENNY: [scornfully] Five dollars?

REMOVALIST: Give us five dollars and we’ll call it quits.

KENNY: Don’t be funny, mate. I don’t want no removalist. Piss off.

REMOVALIST: I’m gonna do one of two things. I’m gonna take me five dollars and leave or I’m gonna start shiftin’ furniture.

KENNY: [getting angry] Look. How many times do I have to tell you, mate? I didn’t call no removalist.

REMOVALIST: We’ve had trouble like this before, mate. If you’ve changed yer mind and you don’t want a removalist, then give us your five dollars and I’ll go. I’ve got ten thousand dollars worth of machinery tickin’ over out there in the drive, and if it ain’t bein’ utilised then that’s money I’ve lost. Get me?

KENNY: [losing patience] Look, mate. You’ve made a mistake. Go and check it out. I’m countin’ to three and if you’re not—

REMOVALIST: [heated] I know what’s happened. It’s happened to us before. One of them wog bastards has underquoted us, haven’t they? They’re cuttin’ their own bloody throats, those wogs. Some of ’em work twenty hours a day, seven days a week, and if they’re shiftin’ you, you better make sure you’re insured to the hilt, because they ’aven’t any respect for your property, mate. None at all. I’ve seen ’em reduce an antique dresser to kindling more that once. All haste and no speed.

KENNY: [ominously] Finished?

REMOVALIST: Just warnin’ you, mate.

KENNY: Well, I ain’t been underquoted by no one for the simple reason that I ain’t had no quotes for the simple reason that I don’t want nothin’ shifted.

REMOVALIST: Well, I’m sorry, mate, but we just don’t make mistakes like this. Everything is double checked at both ends, and I ain’t leavin’ without me five dollars and I’ve got the Transport Board regulations to back me up.

KENNY: [fed up] Look. Piss off or I’ll spray the back of your throat with teeth.

REMOVALIST: Are you threatening me?

KENNY: No. I’m doin’ a line for you, you thick bastard.

REMOVALIST: Go on. Take a swing, mate. See what happens. Take a swing.

KENNY snorts in disgust, slams the door, walks back to the centre of the room.

KENNY: [to FIONA] Did you hear that nut?

FIONA: [lying] No. What did he want?

KENNY: You heard him, didn’t you?

FIONA: [nervously] No, I was… er… talking to Kate.

KENNY: [still amazed] Bloody removalist. Wanted to shift our furniture out. Bet I know what’s happened too. Little tart who gives ’em the jobs is gettin’ back at him for doing the dirty on her. Or his mates have played a joke on him and he’s too thick to catch on.

The knocking at the door, or the bell ringing, starts again with renewed vigour.

KENNY: [pointing at the door, genuinely surprised] There’s the mad bastard back again. [Calling out] Piss off, you idiot. [To the women who look at each other, embarrassed] I’m gonna hammer the bastard this time, I’m afraid.

KATE: Look, I’ll go and… er… talk to him.