He drove a mile or so and then could not go on. Pulling over to the side of the road, he cut the engine. For the first time since all this horror and tragedy had started, he allowed himself a good cry. And then he surrendered and babbled out a prayer of his own making.

“Oh, God, I’m so sorry and I don’t know what to do, so I’m giving this one up to you. I don’t know how I’ve gotten so far away from you over these last months, but I know I’ve been lying to myself about a lot of things. All I’ve done is get more and more miserable, letting myself get eaten up by anger—at Danny, Vonda, the cops—and wanting somebody to be punished for this. I know, Lord, that I’ve been so selfish and self-righteous that I haven’t been able to see what I’ve been doing. How one lie builds on the next, and how secrets like the ones I’ve been keeping are leading me to a very dark place. I want to see the light again, Lord. Help me to be the sort of spouse that I want Carolyn to be and I know she is. I know she needs me now, Lord, and I pray that you will lead me so that I can help her, and help us all to start healing, so we can be happy again. Amen.”

He felt exhausted and drenched with sweat. Leaning back against the headrest, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had a sense that God was trying to speak to him, and that, for a change, he should just shut up and listen. As he became more and more relaxed, he felt a lightness, as if he were falling. Instead of fighting it, he simply handed himself over to whatever it was that was taking him. For the first time in a long time, he stopped grasping for control and felt a newfound sense of freedom. The conviction that he was about to discover something important was leading him, and he simply followed it. His last conscious thought was, “This must be what it feels like when God answers your prayers”