We went on up to Oval Wood on foot, the track being ruinous to machinery. Nat’s fantasy fear here was that an evil nun lurked menacingly behind a tree, waiting for him. We found no such thing, so Nat pointed out that the towering trees had faces in their branches. I could not share this illusion. We went into the wood itself, and after a while Nat became calm and somewhat more at ease in the dark.

Ironically, on the way back to the car a fierce dog followed us, snapping at our heels. I had to confess to Nat my mild phobia of dogs. He was intrigued to hear how, when I was three years old, I was pushed to the ground and worried by an Alsatian—I do not think that Nat had ever envisioned me as a child before! He muttered something about “the refracting glass of psychology”, and suggested that, if all contributors to rational medical science were irrational, would it not be logical to assume irrational elements in the treatments that they formulated? He gloated over this mischievous concept whilst my pulse quickened, in fear of the dog.

WED JUL 30

I dreamt of vast prisms; visions of vivid schisms. Infinite whirling vortex of time and space, with self, still, at the centre. Zen Buddhist wish fulfilment!

WED AUG 6

Nat’s band have got a “gig”. He seems to like my adoption of the jargon though he seldom favours it himself. They will play along with several other local groups, at a church hall in Black Langley in a few weeks’ time. Nat is disdainful of the whole affair, but I continue to impress upon him that he has to start somewhere. Greg took it upon himself to get them involved. Jim, for his sins, will be playing in at least two of the bands. He does not seem at all perturbed by this; indeed it is Nat and Greg who are most apprehensive. I hope it goes well for them: any positive experience where Nat is concerned must be therapeutic.

THU AUG 14

Nat is still being quite disturbed by the dark. Invariably this happens after studying some obscure art form or reading macabre literature. I advised him to lay off such indulgences well before bedtime. Paradoxically, he showed no mistrust of the night during his “nocturnal phase”, or in those nasty niches of his which he calls his “cubby-holes”, implying cosiness. They would terrify most people, but he finds them soothing, probably due to familiarity. Personally I think that the trepidation stems from his emergence into the real world, not from any fear of the dark.

WED AUG 20

I dropped in at Nat’s. His parents seem quite excited about the forthcoming concert. They overcame their doubts once they saw that their second son had not pierced his nose with a safety pin. They were, however, somewhat alarmed at Nat’s plan to wear a grotesque mask for the performance. I subsequently managed to talk him out of this: his confidence will not be boosted by the gig unless he can fully face the audience. This is the best chance we have to abate his fear of crowds, for he has refused help for this phobia in the past.