SUN JUL 25

Nat’s band’s second E.P. was released last week. He says it was reviewed in one of the music papers, where it was labelled “demoniac”. It has already sold more than the first E.P., but this is not representative, as Nat informs me that X number of people automatically purchase whatever the anarchist studio puts out. Nat seemed a little disappointed that the studio only pressed ten thousand copies. Such caution is understandable, however, as the band are reluctant to promote their work in any way. They do have one or two gigs in London on the horizon, with Mark’s band as usual, but this is purely co-incidental.

Meanwhile Mark and Greg have been brow-beating Nat, trying to get him to spend a night in a squat. He is loath to do this and even regrets the night he was away from his bed whilst recording the second E.P. His oddity of a house scares him and yet he loves it so. He admitted that, prior to the recording session, the last time he had been away from the house for any length of time was over ten years ago. His older brother had refused to join in the family holidays, and Nat had stayed at home with him. I made it abundantly clear that any break from the intense environment of his house might not go amiss, even if it were only for one night spent curled up on a flea-ridden mattress in a filthy squat in London town.

FRI AUG 27

I dropped by at Nat’s today. He gave me a copy of his latest waxing. It is a lot less idiosyncratic than the first offering, consisting largely of regurgitated pseudopolitical rantings from Greg, profusely and turgidly illustrated on the cover with half-hearted scratches by Nat. Overall, it is far less morbid and more of a satirical work: an update on some of Dean Swift’s pamphlets, with just a twinge of the macabre. The band are becoming smug and self-satisfied, but I don’t like to disturb this false sense of security if it makes Nat happy. He certainly believes that to achieve even limited popularity one has to embrace banality with total abandon. Such hard-boiled realism seems so far removed from his attitude of only a year ago. I sense that he perceives my realisation of this. Nat likes to see me but confides in me less. He is becoming strong. I confess it makes me a little sad in a perverse sort of way.

SUN SEP 26

Nat is very worried about his friend Greg, who seems to be in constant pain. “Physical, spiritual or existential?” I asked.