Usually patients are reluctant and frequently relapse in psychoanalysis, but not often are they as secretive as Nat regarding sex. Whilst I greatly admire him for the way in which he speaks so openly of his most painful thoughts and feelings, and let him know so, I also tell him how childish I find his refusal to discuss sex.
Recently, more subtle approaches on the subject have run like this: “What are your fantasies?”
“I don’t have any”.
“Oh, I thought everyone has fantasies”.
“No”.
There was a brief silence. It struck me that he was obviously lying. “What have you been doing today?”
“Oh, thumbing through a book called The Outsiders”
“Are you an outsider?”
“No. These people had a special contact within; they shunned outside interest. Their special insights were born of their raw art, to which they dedicated much energy. Do not be deceived by the name given to these individuals”.
“Don’t you feel ashamed of what you did?”
“No”.
“You should”. For once he wasn’t dressed entirely in black. “Ah, not in mourning today, Nat”. He did not begrudge me a laugh. In fact he still smiles a lot. In between death wishes. A most curious state of affairs, in fact. It is sad that he is not seeing any children. Such a smile would charm them and he would enjoy their company too.
At school Nat had been known as “zombie”, presumably because of his “ancient” piercing eyes and skeletal face, and certainly not for his personality, which is essentially the opposite of his appearance. Once he tried to destroy all of his emotions, so as to become a purely intellectual being. Needless to say the harder he tried, the more poignant was his failure in this bizarre quest.
Things he talks freely of, but which hold little interest for me, are dreams. Nightmares: a “deathman” stalks him, garbed in even blacker apparel than Nat himself. I said that some people think dreams important and some people think them unimportant. He was somewhat taken aback that anyone could find dreams unimportant. He clearly has a high regard for them—a reverence—ergo I heard him out. I did not contradict his earlier denial of fantasies.
Nat feels okay about the Christmas period. It will be a quiet one for his family this year. I made a time to see him. I said I hate this time of year, having to carry two appointment diaries about all the time.
I wonder if hypnosis would be effective on Nat. I have given very successful hypnotic treatments to patients for minor ailments, in general practice. Those to whom I have given hypnosis for more serious complaints have also responded well. From my data, I would judge Nat a bad subject. It is, however, notoriously difficult to predict just who will have a resistance and who will be compliant.