Despite his excitement, or because of it, we were quickly able to resume the business in hand. And yet it seemed Nat’s concentration had gone, for when he opened his mouth only a tiny high-pitched squeal came out, then nothing. Later I discovered some hair line cracks on my study window. A mother and her offspring, whilst it is growing inside her, can communicate ultrasonically. Surely it is ridiculous to surmise that Nat’s feeble squallings caused the miniscule faults in the glass? I was just becoming accustomed to this anticlimax, when Nat suddenly began to slam his head with frightening ferocity against the floor. So unexpected and rapid were his movements that he managed to carry out this sickening and manic manoeuvre three or four times before I could place a cushion between the floor and his head. I made him aware of what he was doing. The activity continued, but with much less ferocity. For half an hour he rolled about the floor; by turns violent, passive, agitated and violent once more. Gently but firmly I placed my hands around his neck.

“How does that feel?” I asked.

“Stuck”, came the revealing reply.

The session was over. Nat eagerly discussed the proceedings, clearly greatly stimulated by the turn of events. When I was satisfied that he had calmed down sufficiently I took him home. For once my evening engagements were not interfered with.

The material produced during the primal therapy sessions with Nat is of a most erratic nature. The treatment is not noted for producing a chronologically perfect sequence of events from the first few months of life, but equally Nat’s flitting about from one stage of development to another is hardly the norm. This could be due to the violence of the material, i.e. that it is just too painful for his conscious mind to tolerate the suffering of those days gone by.

So far I have refrained from studying the birth notes in the case of Nathaniel Snoxell, for fear that they might prejudice my findings. Now, however, I feel a perusal of them would be most beneficial, along with a discussion with my senior colleagues who brought Nat into the world and who wrote those self-same notes.

MON MAR 31

I saw Nat today. He is looking well but still has deathly thoughts. I acquainted him with my brand new theory—in simplified form of course—namely that whilst he was being born he became “stuck” and believed he was dying, or wanted to die, to stop the pain. This “death wish” then lingered partly subdued throughout his life until once more his mother innocently attempted to push him into the outside world. This seemingly benign action resulted in bringing down upon him all the repressed death feelings, in a single torrent. Oval Wood was the “womb” in which he had unknowingly reenacted this first trauma, once again coming desperately close to death but emerging just in time.